Where is Mr. Sharky?

     For my belated birthday celebration yesterday Jen and Jason took me to the Baltimore Aquarium! I've been wanting to go for absolutely ages, because I hadn't been since I was a wee babe (like, five? Seven?). And it was amazing. Cue photo-spam!

Illustrated Tweet: Cheater Cheater Monkey Tweeter Edition!

     Ok, this is a cheater's edition because I actually didn't do any illustrating this time. I honestly just need some feedback on this one. I tweeted this the other day:

     And I WAS NOT JOKING. Not even in the slightest. I actually saved the picture to my desktop as "makeeveryonelookatthisandfreakout.jpg" because I needed other people to tell me if I was justified in being so disturbed by this damn monkey. So here it is. LOOK AT IT. IT IS SO MESSED UP. Why is it so human-looking and stretched out but simultaneously so much a monkey and so hairy with its tiny little head? It haunts me. I can literally call this picture to mind in the middle of the day and get goosebumps on command. 

     So I need to know. Does this monkey disturb you? Or is it just a cute monkey doing yoga all cute-like, and I have issues? Don't worry about hurting my feelings if it's the latter, I already know I have issues. I'll just add "overly anthropomorphic monkeys" to the list. 

I can't decide...

     ...whether I hate vultures for the way they insist on hanging out in the middle of the road, even when I'm sitting two feet away honking at them, or if I kind of admire their attitude. 

The majesty of nature. 

     

To the dump to the dump to the dump dump dump!

     I've been pretty busy this week, so I thought we'd just chill here and discuss some of the random pictures I dumped from my phone. I dunno if that sounds like a good time to anyone but me, but I for one love seeing what people keep pictures of on their phones. Tells you a lot about them as a person. Mine's all animals and babies that aren't even mine, which tells you I'm a loser nurturer. 

  
     I don't know why, but I thought it would be the funniest thing to put my hair on Bess's head, like she was wearing a tiny little curly wig. Sometimes I also think about things like giraffes sitting around a table having tea and laugh out loud at the thought though, so I might be kind of easily amused. Anyway, she didn't much care for the idea. 

     I was pulling flowers out of my glass head to put in my hair (as you do, you know) and when I came back to clean it up I realized I had accidentally made a pretentious freshman year art-school project in my floor. It symbolizes the leeching of humanity's link with nature by big corporations, man. It's totally meaningful. And I took it on my cell phone because it represents our dependence on technology and furthers the visual metaphor of detachment from naaaature! And if you don't get it it's probably just because you're not an artist so you don't understand pain and suffering and torment.

     This one's because I had to go to a work-type thing where I had to look grown-up and like I have my life together and my mom wasn't going to be home and wanted me to send her a picture so she could see if I pulled it off, so this is what I sent her to reassure her that I'm totally capable of being mature. #success

     This is one of the tin ceiling tiles that my dad is going to put up in the kitchen so it looks all fancy and historical and junk. Sitting on two bags of dog food because do I know how to compose a shot or what?

     Speaking of dogs, this one's not mine. He showed up at our house the other day and was just playing with our dogs like it ain't no thing, then when I came out to see what was going on he basically decided we were his family. He tried to follow us in through the garage, was chilling on our front porch for at least an hour, and wouldn't go home, even when I walked him a good ways down the street to see if he recognized the way home. He didn't have an address or phone number on his tags, so my dad called animal control. I took this picture while I was sitting with him on the front porch waiting to hear back from them. He was super content to snuggle right up in my lap and try to give me kisses. Fortunately the animal control people figured out where he lives via his rabies tag number, and it was just a ways down the road, so we took him home. Yay, happy endings!

     This Buzzfeed quiz told me I was Neville Longbottom and I was like "Whatever, I'm clearly going to MARRY Neville Longbottom, so how can I BE Neville Longbottom?" But the description is pretty much accurate, so there's that. I take it to mean we'd just be super compatible. 

      Here's a cute picture of Evie and Ollie wearing xbox headsets like little gamers. But my favorites are always the outtakes. 

     Like this one where they both look like little drunks, especially Ollie with the drool and the random sock he's clutching, like he passed out right in the middle of putting them on. 

     But this is the best one. Little drunkard Ollie dribbling on his chin in his half-sleep, and Evie looking downright MANIACAL. I laugh out loud every time I look at this one. She looks like she wants to eat the camera. I love it.
 

"I'm fighting a great and powerful evil right now...sadness."

     Title quote is from this comic, which is amazing and applicable to my life much of the time, so... do recommend. 

     Anyways, I'm feeling really down today and couldn't come up with anything to post about, so here is a hodgepodge of things off my phone that I thought may appeal to a variety of interests. 

IF YOU LIKE GROSS THINGS

    Then here is my gross blackened bruise from where I keep running into the pointy dangerous corner on the footboard of my bed. Amanda drew a lightning bolt on it to make it look more badass. 

IF YOU LIKE CUTE BABIES

     Then enjoy this picture of my niece lookin' fresh to death in her shopping outfit. 

IF BABIES AREN'T YOUR THING

     Then have a cute dog picture instead. 

IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR SOMETHING SNARKY

     Then you'll appreciate this picture I took ages ago of a brilliantly honest description of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.

IF YOU WANTED TO BEAR WITNESS TO A WEIRD CONVERSATION THAT MADE ME CHUCKLE

     Then you can peruse this one, but before you ask, I don't know what turning history off and on actually does, it was just me accidentally hitting buttons with my big meaty paws. So no, I'm not a time lord, unfortunately. 

That's all I got. The rest of the pictures on my phone are all various iterations of babies, cats, and food.  

Friday Favorites: pink and cats and hobbits, oh my!

     Let me just say in advance: if you think this edition of my weekly favorites is too pink, just be glad I didn't buy the Hello Kitty clock that I saw on clearance at Target. Sadly, though my preferred aesthetic leans toward childlike whimsy, even I couldn't justify that one. But onwards, to the things that made me happy recently! 

PLANNING LIFE LIKE A GROWN-UP WHO HAS HER SHIT TOGETHER

     I got this most perfect little planner on earth so that I can try to better organize myself. I've got a lot more going on in this new year (more freelance jobs, more custom cakes to make), so I needed a way to make sure I wouldn't lose track of anything! This little guy is pretty much exactly what I wanted: it's pink and fun and different enough that it could belong to the girl who bakes your kid a birthday cake shaped like a pony, but still polished and professional-looking enough that it could belong to the girl who edits your research papers. It suits my multiple personalities! Yay! The inside even has polka dots sprinkled across the top of every page, so that kicks it up way into "did someone design this for me personally?!" territory. 

     STASHING THINGS INSIDE THIS FAT LITTLE CAT COOKIE JAR

     When I saw this at Target the first time, I told myself I was going to wait for it to go on sale, because I really have no need for a twenty dollar cookie jar shaped like a cat. But the next time I was there, I looked at it again and thought of how sad I'd be if it sold out before I got one, and I couldn't stand it. I just wanted it in my life, I don't know what else to tell you. So I had to buy it. I think I'm going to start writing down good things that happen to me and really nice compliments and stashing them on little cards in there so that at the end of this year I can look back and remember all the great stuff that's happened. Kind of cheesy, but sometimes I need a little help maintaining my optimism, and I think that will help. 

FINALLY READING THE HOBBIT SO I CAN BE INTO ALL THE NERDY THINGS IN THE WHOLE WORLD

     You may find it hard to believe, since I've already made clear that I like all the nerdy things, but I've never read the Hobbit or the Lord of the Rings trilogy. I had always wanted to, but I had this notion that the books were all insurmountably long for some reason. But one day I saw a box set of the Hobbit and the trilogy, and it looked totally do-able. Just four nice little moderate-sized paperbacks. So I went for it! I started reading the Hobbit about a week ago, just a chapter here and there before bed, and now I'm halfway through it. I was surprised at what an easy read it is, actually! I'm looking forward to finishing it so that I can see the movies without guilt, since I always like to read the book before seeing the movie. 

HONORARY KIND-OF-CHEATING FAVORITE: SNUGGLEPUP MCGEE HERE

     It's kind of cheating because Sophie is a favorite all the time, not just this week, but Amanda wanted me to include this picture she took, so I told her I would. Sophie was feeling snuggle-deficient that day, so I told her she could come up on my bed for some cuddles just this one time (she's normally not allowed on my bed) and she was just pleased as punch. And let's face it, so was I, because she is a delight to snuggle with. 

Disney Princess Life

     I've been up in the Blue Ridge mountains for a long weekend, savoring the fresh air and feeding deer out of my hand like Snow White. I named one Snuffles, and she got so close to me her eyelashes brushed my cheek. I'm fairly certain that's an old-world omen that I'm going to lead a magical life from now on. It's like a hippogriff bowing to you, it means you're respected amongst the forest creatures. 

     Sometimes I just don't have any crafts or recipes or stories to post about, and I have to think outside the box about what to put up on this page to entertain you lovely people. I actually have a sewing project planned that I was going to whip up yesterday, but then it was one of those days where I basically just want to sit around in my jimjams eating pasta all day, so instead I offer you this photo of Bessie wearing a kitty toy on her head like a fascinator she's going to wear to a royal wedding. 

     Don't say I never gave you nothin!

The things we do for our feline overlords.

     Bessie and I have been having a disagreement. Namely, she thinks it's fun to get all up in these boxes on the bottom shelf of my bookcase and nose around, pawing at them and picking them up and dropping them (with her FACE) so they make an unholy racket at ridiculous hours of the early morning. I disagree. I don't find that fun at all.

     I couldn't just put the boxes somewhere else because they were keeping all those cords back there out of Bessie's reach. Originally I had books and dvds there, but I replaced them with boxes when she started chewing on them, figuring I'd rather have her chew up the corners of a few storage boxes than chew on wires and either electrocute herself or start a house fire (she hasn't chewed on the boxes after all, but as I said, the face-bulldozing is quite noisy). So I had to get creative. Here's what I ended up doing:

     1. First I grabbed some fabric that matches my room nicely, namely a blue and white striped seersucker fabric that my grandma had given my mom out of her stash. Then I got to measuring. I measured the inside width and height of the dresser, because I planned to hold the fabric in place with tension rods at the top and bottom of the second and third shelves. I added two inches to the height measurement to allow for the rod pockets, and decided to just use the width of the fabric for the width of the curtain, because I wanted it to be gathered.

     2. Then I cut it to the appropriate size...
 

     3. Then I ironed in a seam allowance on each of the vertical edges, as well as folding the top and bottom edges in 1/4 inch, then another inch, to create the rod pockets. 

     4. Next I sewed the vertical edges with the pockets (but not the 1/4 inch inside the pockets) unfolded.

     5. Finally, the rod pockets got sewn shut horizontally along the top and bottom edges.

     Then it was just a matter of slipping the tension rods in and putting the whole shebang into place!

    If you're super observant you might be able to tell from the clock in the before and after pictures that this whole thing took almost exactly an hour, and really only that long because I dilly-dallied a lot. Hopefully it will solve the Bessie-the-Destructor problem and let me get some sleep! 

Project fail -- with compensatory kittens!

     I had a major project failure yesterday. The plan was to cut out a styrofoam letter and cover it in faux flowers as a decorative sit-around-and-look-nice type deal. Only I realized as I was sticking the last flowers in that somewhere along the way it had veered tragically in the direction of gravestone decoration. My realization was confirmed when Amanda walked in and said "That looks like you're gonna put it on a grave." An appropriate observation, because that project was dead. I wasn't too terribly upset about it because the flowers were on a massive 80% sale, so they only cost me about five dollars, and I was going to use them for SOMETHING anyway, I just didn't know what yet. 

     I tried to brainstorm other project ideas whilst I sat on my floor petting Bessie and eating a zebra cake (a purring cat + Little Debbie = ultimate stress reducer), but I couldn't think of anything I really wanted to do with those flowers. So I decided to go the obvious route. I shoved them into a big glass head. 

Any time you read something on this blog and think "Ok, that's just super weird, I'm gonna assume she's kidding," don't. Don't assume that.

     
     Why do I have a big glass head just sitting around? Because I'm strange, and I saw it in the store and thought "yes, this represents who I am as a person," and brought it home. I DUNNO OK. I just like it. The heart wants what the heart wants, and my heart wanted a big glass head to sit around freaking people out. And now it's full of flowers. Does that make it more or less creepy? I dunno. On the one hand, it adds another level of "why" to equation, but on the other, maybe I can pass it off as an artistic statement about how my head is full of flowers because I'm so damn whimsical. 

You gotta admit, it adds something to the layout. Whether that something is style or screaming nightmares is up for debate.

     
     Anyway, after that catastrophe of a project, here is some gratuitous kitten action to make this post worth your while. These little kitty orphans were brought to the veterinary hospital Amanda works at, and they need to be bottle fed for a little while until they're bigger and stronger. So she brought them home for the night to snuggle them up in a heated blanket and feed them kitty-Gatorade every few hours. 

     Alright, now I have to run screaming from my laptop because they're so cute I'm gonna die. 

Friday Favorites, 4th of July Edition!

     My favorite things this week were decidedly more explosive than usual.

1. Fireworks! This year we got to watch the fireworks on the James River from inside the Dominion Virginia Power building. It was amaaazing to A) not get stuck behind the same damn tree that's blocked our view there for the past two years, B) not have to deal with any traffic, rude people standing in front of where we were sitting, cigarette smoke, or other people-related issues, and C) not sweat ourselves half to death in the balmy heat! And the fireworks themselves were beautiful. The whole thing felt like a finale, they were so huge and loud and sparkly and bright!
   
   
   
   
   
2. Tomb Raider. I started playing the newest Tomb Raider game yesterday, and although I've only played an hour or two, I've been enjoying it. There's lots of climbing and collecting to be done, two of my favorite things in a videogame. It's also nice to have a Tomb Raider game in which Lara Croft is actually likeable (YEAH, I SAID IT) and seems like a real person, rather than the robotic, "Oh, let me just climb up onto this ledge by grabbing it and pulling myself into a handstand like I'm trying to win the gold on uneven bars here" Lara of games past.
   
   
3. The "True Facts" videos on Youtube. I may or may not have watched all of these, one after another, without stopping, for like an hour (yeah, I did). They are hilarious and delightful and still somewhat educational. Go watch them!
   
    

Two Minute Madness!

     I thought of the idea for this post as I was staring at my tablet, thinking, "I'd like to draw something for the blog, I feel like I haven't done any fun little drawings in forever." I couldn't think of anything in particular to draw though, and I didn't want to end up spending hours and hours perfecting a paneled comic into the wee hours of the morn (which ALWAYS ends up happening. It's the one random corner of life in which I am a perfectionist). So here's the basic idea of how to play this little game of mine:

1. Think of a category.

2. Draw three things in that category, BUT....

3. Spend NO MORE than two minutes on each drawing. 


    It ended up being pretty fun! This time the category I came up with was "good advice."