4 Things I can tell you about the Sims 4.

1. The first thing I did was make a Sim version of myself, because I am either a narcissist or extremely uncreative when asked to play God, and I'm very pleased that there are finally some options for long hair that don't appear to have been sponsored by Super Glue. You know what I mean, the kind where your Sim looks down and their hair pops up at a 90 degree angle away from their neck behind them? I ain't about that life. I am satisfied with this hair. 

Pale, big hair, vaguely terrified expression, thinking about food? Yep, that's me. 

  2. The click and drag customization makes things a lot easier. I can finally give my Sim thunder thighs like mine. I know that sounds like I'm being self-deprecating but I'm not, "thunder thighs" sounds awesome to me. I took that term and ran with it; named mine Thor and Odin. They dole out punishment to foolish mortals through swift thundering kicks. 

3. The money cheats still work. I'm trying not to cheat though (you'll notice Sim-me up there has just over 4,000 simoleans to her name), so Sim Jacki is dirt poor, just like real Jacki. Yaaay realism?

4. It's also still really easy to set your  house on fire. I know because I did it twice in the first ten minutes I had the game. How did I do it twice, you may ask? Well, good friend, that would be because I did it once, then my game crashed and when I re-did everything I did it again. #skillz. 

     That's my only problem with the game so far, actually: it crashes. A lot. I don't know if it's something that needs to be patched on their end or if my computer is just not having it, but it's really annoying. I mean, I've gotten into the habit of saving my games with neurotic frequency over the years, so I don't ever lose that much progress, but I can only restart the game so many times before I have to walk away making weird angry sounds and doing arm flails to burn off the frustration. 

Friday Favorites: Seemingly Quite Shallow Right Up Until The End Edition!

FAVORITE THING TO LOOK AT: PRETTY STAR-SHAPED LIGHTS

     I've been eyeballin' these at Target for a few weeks now and finally decided to pull the trigger because, seriously, look at them. They're glowy and star-shaped, and you know I love anything star or moon-shaped. Plus they give off a good amount of light for the time frame when I'm not ready to go to bed yet, but need to be calmin' down the ole brain-grapes.

FAVORITE THING TO DO: PLAY THIS GAME AND YELL "DAMN IT YOSHI"

     I've been loving this game since Jen and Jason gave it to me for my birthday. I'm kind of awful at it though. I get greedy for perfection, so I'll go back to get that one last coin, then die and not finish the level. The struggle, she is real. But it's really fun anyway, and Yoshi makes the cutest freaking sounds you will ever hear in your life when he gets wings,  to the point that I actually get a little upset that I can't just go see a Yoshi in a petting zoo or whatever.

FAVORITE THING TO SLATHER ON MYSELF: THIS LOTION SMELLS LIKE FREAKING DELICIOUS

     Um. I feel like I kind of said it all in the title, but let me try and find some other things to say about it. It's a really thick lotion that smells like strawberry-flavored candy and is, in fact, very moisturizing? It definitely doesn't smell like literal fresh strawberries (the minute someone invents that scent I will buy stock in it and bathe in it indefinitely), more like strawberry cake. Which is obviously fine by me because I like to smell like one delicious confection or another at all times.

FAVORITE METAPHOR FOR POSSIBILITY: THESE FABRICS

     These babies arrived in the mail from fabric.com the other day, and since then I've grown quite fond of gazing lovingly at them and imagining all the things I could make. The pink skull fabric, I want to use to make a simple short a-line skirt, because I think that would make a suitable visual representation of my personality: looks normal and cute from a distance, but then when you get up close you go "ahh this is actually kind of weird and macabre and I'm maybe a little scared?" The other two fabrics I honestly just wanted to have in my possession. There was no goal in mind for them, I just wanted the option to make something out of them should inspiration strike at a later date. I'm told this is how craftily-inclined types start fabric stashes. I'm fine with that, I'll build a big ol' fabric hoard and sit on it like a dragon. No shame in my hoarding game. 

I bet Yoshi makes a lousy pet.

Friday Favorites: I stink so goooood Edition!

FAVORITE VIDEOGAME: LEGO THE HOBBIT!

     First, a confession: I haven't seen either of the Hobbit movies, and I never finished reading the book. I got about halfway through it and then lost interest because the writing style was...somehow not as magical and descriptive as I had expected it to be? I dunno. Also there's no girl characters, and I ain't about that life. But I do plan to see the movies someday, in the same way that I plan to have a cool little cottage in the woods where I can grow flowers and cooking herbs and let the local children think I'm a witch, by which I mean I have taken no action to make this plan a reality beyond thinking "yeah, someday." But whatever. You know I love me some Lego games. They're super therapeutic because they're not particularly challenging and you get to run around smashing stuff all willy-nilly and collecting shiny things, which is basically all I ask for in a pastime. 

FAVORITE CONSUMABLE: DISCOUNT EASTER CANDY!

     Having bulk quantities of candy around the house after any holiday whose traditions dictate the exchange of sweets is one of those little things that make me proud to be an American. Oh, what's that other countries, you think we're fat and stupid? Well this stupid fatty just got like ten pounds of Cadbury mini-eggs for a nickel, who's stupid now? 

FAVORITE ONLINE PURCHASE: I'M A SEA GODDESS, IT SAYS SO RIGHT HERE

     I ordered a set of five choose-your-own perfume samples from this Etsy shop called Alkemia last week. Most of them were a bit of a let-down for me, and I'm not sure if it's because I just have crap taste and picked samples of things that I don't actually like, or maybe I was smelling the carrier oils in the samples or WHAT, but 3 out of 5 of them had a note of...bathroominess? To them? I'm doing that upward inflection because I have zero confidence in my abilities to describe scents. I've gotten many a strange look when trying to explain to someone that I don't like a particular popular perfume because it smells "newsprint-y" to me, in a way that reminds me of my dad fanning me with a newspaper while I had a bloody nose in the lobby of the church we went to when I was a kid, and I'm allergic to newsprint, so the paper made me sneeze and it was a mess. So...bad vibes, is what I'm saying, I guess. What?

      Anyway, back to the good perfume. The one I did really like was called Sea Goddess. The website says it has a bunch of fancy things like "saline aquatics" and junk in it, but to me it just smells like a beachy floral, but not old-lady floral at all (not that that's bad, I have a hand lotion that smells like Social Security in a bottle and I don't even care, I put it on every night). It's not going to be my forever-and-ever signature scent or anything, but it was only twelve dollars and it's definitely going to be my "this summer" signature scent, so that's an accomplishment. And they sent two new samples with my order, one of which still had the icky smell I don't like, but the other was really interesting. It's called "Mist Becoming Rain," I believe, and I immediately gave it to my mom because it smells like her interests: fresh and outdoorsy, kind of like you just watered the garden where you grow your arugula (it has kind of a peppery smell, I didn't just pick arugula out of thin air).

SURPRISE FAVORITE: I WENT INTO A TRADER JOE'S AND DIDN'T RAGE-TWITCH AN EYEBALL OUT!

     It's not that I have anything against Trader Joe's as a corporation or anything, my prejudice is based entirely on the fact that their parking lot is like the nexus of all assholery. It is a spawn point of assholes. Every time you've ever been cut off in traffic or tailgated, it's someone on their way to or from a Trader Joe's. They are born in the Trader Joe's parking lot, they go out into the world to spread misery and strife, then they come back to Trader Joe's at the end of their long lives of hooliganery to die. This is known. The one near me is located in an itsy little shopping center next to Ulta, and every time I have ever had the misfortune of finding myself at Ulta on a weekend, the ENTIRE parking lot for the WHOLE shopping center is taken up by all of Trader Joe's rudest minions. I can tell that's where they're going because they'll take the front spot at Ulta, then get their reusable sustainably sourced shopping bags and their aluminum water bottles full of spring water charged with "healing positive ions" out of the trunks of their Prius's and start hiking across the lot. All this I could forgive. I understand sometimes a store ends up in a shopping center whose parking lot just can't keep up with demand. But they are the single rudest identifiable subset of drivers I have ever had the misfortune to observe. They steal spots from people, don't observe any sort of common courtesy at multi-way stops, don't yield to pedestrians, honk at me if I yield to a pedestrian in front of them because how DARE I put ten more seconds between them and artisan-shelled fair-trade pistachios! Basically they suck. 

     BUT. The other day I realized I was running out of jojoba oil, which I use as moisturizer because I have idiotically sensitive skin and if I put normal-person moisturizer on my face-suit I basically become Professor Quirrell, clutching at my burning face screaming "What is this magic?!?" I usually order it online but somehow I had approximately none left, and it takes a while to get here. So I googled, and Trader Joe's seemed to be the only place I could buy it that day. Thus I ventured in. 

     I did end up actually getting it, but the surprise favorites were the two other things I found once I had braved the dreaded parking lot (which is kind of a pun, because they did have a white guy with "dreads" working there). The coconut body butter I bought because it looked like it would smell delightful (I have great purchase-justifying skills), and because there was an old guy who picked up two tubs of it as I was perusing and I thought "hey, he doesn't look too dry and crackly, it must work!" (told you). Then I picked up the "espresso pillows" waiting in line, because the fact that they call them "espresso pillows" cracked me up with how high on the pretentious scale that hits. You couldn't just call them espresso bits, or pieces or something? There's not even anything particularly pillowy about them, they're crunchy for God's sake. I dunno man. It's a weird place. 

     POINT BEING (I'm so sorry I just wrote three paragraphs about Trader Joe's, I just have a lot of feelings. About everything, apparently), the espresso ~*~pillows~*~ are tasty and the body butter is straight-up delightful. That is all. 

BONUS FAVORITE: THIS PICTURE FROM MY PHONE WHICH SHALL SLAY THE MASSES WITH ITS ADORABLENESS

     I don't even have anything to say about this, I'll just leave it here without comment to counteract the Homeric Saga I wrote above. 

Friday Favorites!

     Favorite videogame: Saints Row IV
     I'm still really enjoying this game! It's kind of out-there in terms of storyline, but when the basic gist of a game is "Run around having superpowers and throwing bad guys into lakes" you don't need really need to understand why you're doing it. Also my character has turquoise mermaid hair and dual-wields pastel pink and white polka dotted submachine guns, so for that alone, five stars. 

      Favorite food: Turkey Hill Double Dunker ice cream
     Two kinds of cookie chunks in coffee-flavored ice cream? Yes please. This ice cream actually kind of ruined other ice creams for me for a bit there. I went to make myself of bowl of it the other day and when I found it had all been eaten I just couldn't bring myself to have a different kind instead. It was Double Dunker or nothing, apparently. I may have thrown a small fit, even after Amanda offered me one of her ice cream bars because that's not what I waaaanted (I am a joy to be around). 

     Favorite material possession: Turbie Twist
     I can't remember if I've had this on a favorites list before, but I feel like even if I have, it warrants another mention. This thing makes the hellish experience of showering (even when I'm not recreating horror movie scenes in the shower, I still hate it -- shampooing like thirty pounds of hair, having to shave my legs, knocking over shampoo bottles with every movement because the storage ledges are SO IDIOTICALLY SHALLOW-- I am just not a shower-enjoyer) slightly less miserable. Specifically, the after-shower portion of my evening, in which I used to slap a towel on my head and then walk around trying to keep it on long enough to dry my hair a bit while complaining about how heavy it made my already oversized head. The Turbie Twist is a lot lighter, so I can leave it on for more than thirty seconds and thus, it works better. Plus it stays on with a little elastic you loop the end through, so if you drop something or want to pet a cat or whatever you don't have to do that weird, perfectly vertical squat to keep the towel from toppling over and ripping half your hair out (just me?), which is always a plus because I hate being tricked into exercising.

     Favorite people: Babies! 
     It's been just over a week since my little niece and nephew were born, and they're already total heart-stealers. I know I'm biased, but I'm still pretty sure they're the cutest babies in the history of human existence. Even when they're covered in poo and screaming their lungs out because they're pretty sure air touching their undiapered butts is the worst thing this world has to offer, they're still cute (this assertion is probably influenced heavily by the fact that I'm not the one who has to remedy the screaming Poopocalypse nine hundred times a day. Aunt-hood is the sweetest gig).

Videogame break!

     I spent my whole Tuesday afternoon playing the newly released Saints Row IV. Without spoiling anything for those of you who may want to play it, it's....different! I haven't played through much of the story yet, so I can't tell you much about that, but from what I have played, I can think of at least three titles for this game that would have been just as accurate:

"SAINT'S ROW IV: WE REALLY LIKE DUBSTEP"

     This game is really heavy on the dubstep. Like, really heavy. In a game full of aliens and superpowers and simulated realities, the most hard-to-believe part of the whole game is still that there could ever be a world in which demand necessitates not one, but TWO dubstep radio stations. In related news, I'm getting old and don't understand what The Kids Today™ are listening to.

"SAINTS ROW IV: BLUE IS A NICE COLOR"

     Noticing some very subtle visual clues...

"SAINTS ROW IV: RUN FAST AND JUMP HIGH"

     Not that you'll find me complaining. 

Friday Favorites, 4th of July Edition!

     My favorite things this week were decidedly more explosive than usual.

1. Fireworks! This year we got to watch the fireworks on the James River from inside the Dominion Virginia Power building. It was amaaazing to A) not get stuck behind the same damn tree that's blocked our view there for the past two years, B) not have to deal with any traffic, rude people standing in front of where we were sitting, cigarette smoke, or other people-related issues, and C) not sweat ourselves half to death in the balmy heat! And the fireworks themselves were beautiful. The whole thing felt like a finale, they were so huge and loud and sparkly and bright!
   
   
   
   
   
2. Tomb Raider. I started playing the newest Tomb Raider game yesterday, and although I've only played an hour or two, I've been enjoying it. There's lots of climbing and collecting to be done, two of my favorite things in a videogame. It's also nice to have a Tomb Raider game in which Lara Croft is actually likeable (YEAH, I SAID IT) and seems like a real person, rather than the robotic, "Oh, let me just climb up onto this ledge by grabbing it and pulling myself into a handstand like I'm trying to win the gold on uneven bars here" Lara of games past.
   
   
3. The "True Facts" videos on Youtube. I may or may not have watched all of these, one after another, without stopping, for like an hour (yeah, I did). They are hilarious and delightful and still somewhat educational. Go watch them!
   
    

Life Lessons from Left 4 Dead

     I love zombies. Zombie movies, zombie books, arguing about various zombie theories and protocols -- all of it. But especially zombie videogames, and ESPECIALLY Left 4 Dead. I bought the game when it came out in 2008 and never looked back. I played it when I was bored, I played when I was stressed out, I played when I was drunk (with disastrous results). And it's always been a game I come back to when I just want to shoot zombies and blow stuff up and save humanity. Then recently I got my dad hooked on playing it with me, my sister and her husband. Now it's a family affair.

     But lest you think it's just mindless violence, I wanted to show you some of the important life lessons I've learned from playing over the years. I was thinking about this the other day and, after posting a zombie-dealt life lesson on Facebook, I realized I wanted to share some other lessons I've learned.

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Favorite Things Friday!

     It's that time again! Time for me to show you the things that have made me happier than a pig in mud. Although really, I think pigs are probably pretty happy most of the time. They certainly seem like jolly little porkers. 

• Revisiting my childhood with Sailor Moon. I was obsessed with Sailor Moon when I was younger (Yep, I've always been this nerdy), and after re-watching some of the episodes this week I can definitively say it stands the test of time. Sure, sometimes the villains store their evil plans on floppy disks, but it's still entertaining as all get-out and full of girl-power awesomeness. And sure, I won't lie, I see a lot of myself in Sailor Moon. For example, I totally psych myself up to start writing...
  
  
  
  
  
  And do this when I get writer's block.
  
  
  
  
  
  
• Teaching Big Bessie to stand up on her back legs for a treat, like a puppy. What can I say? The girl's food motivated. I could probably train her to play chess given enough time and kitty treats.
  
  
• This new comic essay about depression from Hyperbole and a Half. It sounds weird to say something about depression could make me happy, but it did. It's such an accurate description of what that horrible lingering depression feels like, but I still laughed at it. It's a tricky thing to take a dark topic and make it ok to laugh about, and this did it so well. Definitely worth perusing!
  
  
• The Scribblenauts Remix app. This game is so fun, and SO ADDICTIVE. Basically, it's a creative problem-solving game. You're given a task, and you can create anything you can think of to help you do it. So for all those times you've played a videogame and though "Ughh, if I could just grab some wings or a jetpack, I could get right where I need to go!" Well, now you can. You can also just play around creating whatever you want without working toward a goal. Obviously the first thing I did was create a Game of Thrones scene.
  

  

  Knights, dragons, direwolves, snow, and heads on spikes. Basically you know everything about Game of Thrones now.

     You didn't think I could make it through a whole week without making a Game of Thrones reference, did you? 

Things that made me happy this week!

     1.  My first ever attempt at making French macarons, which are notoriously tricky to perfect. They tasted good but were crazy messy. That's ok. In my book, tasty comes first, pretty comes second. I'm thinking of making them again soon with a few changes to my recipe that should improve the end result a fair amount.

Maybe not as nice-looking as the ones in pretty food magazines, but not half bad for a first attempt, either.

      2.  My new blanket from Target.  It's a material they're calling "micromink," which I'm calling "OHMYGLOBSOSOFT." Amanda bought one first, and when I was curled up in a ball on the couch willing myself not to vomit (fun week!) she came by and draped her new blanket over me in a somewhat rare moment of sweetness. It was so soft and cozy and generally delightful that I went out and got one for myself as soon as I was feeling better. As an added bonus, it really helps contribute to the whole "Pottery Barn catalog" aesthetic (you know, fluffy to the point where you might actually have a hard time getting into it) I strive for in my bedroom; basically I want my bed to be so cloud-like and soft and enticing that even someone with a whacked out/non-existent sleep instinct like mine will look at it and get sleepy.

The fact that the shades are uneven is going to drive my mom batty. Sorry mom!

      3.  Getting a paint color picked out for the nursery. One less thing for my sister to stress about, and I'm just plain excited to see how it looks. We picked a very pale, silvery-blue metallic that we (I say we, but obviously she's not allowed near all the fume-y paint -- my Mom and I are going to paint it over the weekend) plan to do a color wash of over the same tone, but in a semi-gloss. It sounds confusing, but after having the process explained (and the paint cans labeled for dum-dums) by the super-helpful paint guy at Lowe's, I feel pretty confident that it will end up looking swirly and soothing and pretty. 

A teaser of paint samples. None of these are the one we actually ended up picking, though. Like I'd just give away the surprise like that!

     4.  New boots!  I finally broke down and replaced my favorite pair of boots, which were unfortunately rather cheaply made and falling to pieces after two years of heavy wear. To be fair, I'm also unusually hard on my shoes somehow; I once had a pair of Keds fall apart after less than 2 months of wear, and I wasn't exactly mountain-climbing in them. I guess it's just the way I stomp around like Godzilla destroying the city all the time. So I decided that I should bite the bullet and replace the boots with a high-quality pair that I won't destroy within weeks. I'm generally pretty frugal, so it's hard for me to justify spending a lot on something, but when it truly is an investment piece that will last for a decade, I think it's worth it. Otherwise I'd just rack up the same expense over that time period buying pair after pair of cheap, poorly made shoes. And now that I have the boots in my hands (and on my feet), I can tell they're going to be worth it. The materials and construction are so much nicer, and they're incredibly comfortable straight out of the box -- no breaking in required. Also, LOOK AT THEM. THEY ARE AMAZING. 

Do you know how difficult it is to take a decent picture of your own feet? Surprisingly so.

     5.  Lego Lord of the Rings. Legos! Lord of the Rings! GIMLI! I respect everyone's right to have a favorite character, but if yours isn't Gimli then you're wrong and we can't be friends. Just kidding, Gandalf is an acceptable favorite too. This game is really fun, first because the Lego videogames are legitimately fantastic. Seriously, if you think they're for kids and you won't like them, give them a shot anyway. You get to run around smashing everything in sight and snatching up money, like King Kong the day rent's due. Second, the Lego games have a great sense of humor to them. It's easy to make the Lego cut-scenes funny in something comparatively light-hearted like Indiana Jones, but even in a serious story like Lord of the Rings, they manage to make me laugh out loud even as Isildor is refusing to cast the ring into the fires of Mt. Doom. And I mean literally laugh out loud, not a text message "lol" where you really mean "smile and snort a quick woosh of air out your nose." Finally, they're fun because it's an opportunity to quote all the best parts of the movie, or if you're a weirdo like me, to pretend you're Legolas and identify every single thing around you in a worried tone like no one else noticed when they totally did, LEGOLAS, they all have eyes and ears even if they're not pointy. Ahem. Anyway, it's fun. 

All of my pictures look like they were taken in the dark of deep space because I have the nerves of a chihuahua and can't hold my hands still long enough to get a clear photo without the flash. Now you knoooow.

Those are five little things that made me happy this week. If you feel like leaving a comment telling me what put a smile on your face recently, that would be thing #6 on my list!

That really escalated quickly. I mean that really got out of hand fast.

     The reason for the Anchorman reference in the title will become apparent later. It will aaaalll make sense one day, I promise (but by "one day" I mean "later in this post" and by "aaaalll" I mean "specifically this one reference and nothing else").

     As you may have noticed, when I can't think of anything to write about here, I sometimes like to just tell you a little story. And my brain is really just not working correctly enough to write anything amazing today (I mistook the sound of someone blowing their nose for an electric drill. That happened. This brain is having a day off). I blame this on the fact that I am so tired that at several points throughout the day I felt like I might pull a Sims move and just fall over onto the floor for a nap. This whole "readjusting of the sleep schedule" shenanigan does not appear to be going well.

     Because of the aforementioned doziness, I had what I call an "empty day," which is a thing that I'm not sure mentally sound people actually have. Basically, it's a day when you're not sad or depressed or anything (though it might look that way to others), but you're not particularly overjoyed either. You're just kind of cruising through the day, waiting until bedtime. I have these days once every few months, and it's almost always when I'm just overwhelmingly tired. It's like being too tired to have any strong feelings.

     So I spent the whole day playing Fable 3, because that's what I felt like doing, and Sundays are for doing what you feel. And while I was playing, I made a bit of a woopsie.

     First, let me set the scene for you. I'm doing a favor for one of the townspeople. Her husband has changed over the years into a verbally abusive, philandering jerk, and he looks like a hobbit, but not one of the cool ones. She wants a divorce, but he won't divorce her because he doesn't want to give her half their money and he's content to just cheat on her, I guess. So she asks me to help her out of her situation. Immediately, I'm thinking, "You want I should kill him?" but it turns out she only wants me to seduce him and tell him about how rich I am so he'll divorce her to come mooch off my hard-earned cash. But then the scheme will be revealed before I actually have to embarrass myself by marrying him, leaving him poor and heartbroken and still a douchewagon. I am wholeheartedly on board with this plan, because it is deliciously soap operatic and also because it benefits me (I get "points," kind of, if I do it). Chaotic neutral fo' life, yo.

     So I go through the motions of seducing the Ugly Wee Hobbit: we dance, we play Patty-Cake (sensually, I guess? I dunno, it's a weird game), I buy him a ruby, take him on a lovely date to the town bridge, leave him there overnight while I run off to do some shopping and have a nap (as you do), come back and propose. Mind you, the whole time, he is an insufferable ass, telling me how nice it is to spend time with me instead of his wife, who "spends too much time reading" and ruins his whole life with this thing she does called "talking." My original intent to kill him resurfaces and quickly solidifies into a definite future occurrence. And he runs off to give his wife the divorce papers.

     When I catch up with these two crazy kids, he's given his wife the papers, and she's told him her whole plan, like an amateur super-villain. But he's still stupid and full of himself, remember? So he turns to me and says something along the lines of "Well, you're pretty despicable, I see. How despicable are you? Kill her before she can turn the papers in and I'll keep the money, then you'll be marrying a rich man!"

    At which point I sit on the couch yelling at the tv, "Did he just call me despicable? Oh hells no. I am the melonfarmin' Princess of this MondaytoFriday land, you best step down, son." (Those are Snakes on a Plane censored-for-tv style swears, I don't actually farm melons in between Princess duties on weekdays.) And obviously, I'm going to kill him. At this point it just has to happen. It's the only way to give this story a happy ending.

     L'il Wifey is aghast. "You can just leave, this doesn't concern you anymore! Please don't kill me!" she says to me. And I'm thinking, "Chill, girl, I got your back. Ovaries before Brovaries. Uteruses before Duderuses. Just let me kill your soon-to-be-ex-husband, because he is a walking stink-suit of misery and woe."

     So I whip out my sword .... and ACCIDENTALLY KILL THEM BOTH IN ONE MOVEMENT.

     Now,  if you have ever seen me genuinely shocked before, you will know that when surprised, I make the same face as Simon Pegg in Shaun of the Dead when he accidentally kills his first zombie. So I sat on the couch like this for a minute.

     Then I quietly back out the door, lock it behind me, and flee town before anyone can find them.

     As far as I know, I'm not in trouble, but maybe they just haven't had any visitors or overly inquisitive Girl Scouts or Jehovah's Witnesses come looking for them yet. I'm hoping to save up enough money to buy the house so no one can ever investigate and find out what happened (a thing which most assuredly does not happen in this game, but which I have convinced myself is going to happen anyway, because if I'm gonna commit accidental videogame murder, might as well just let it all spiral into madness, right?).
    
     The weird thing is I still got the "points" for doing the mission, and the message that popped up with it said that what I had done was "ultimately fair," so it didn't even affect my morality and make me more evil. I feel like the game said to me "Yeah, it's cool. They were both kind of annoying anyway."

     I told you it was a weird game.