Friday Favorites: Five Senses Edition!

FAVORITE SIGHT: LOOKET THESE GREMLINS IN THE WAGON OF MY YOOOUTH

     This cracks me up, not least because of how it compares to this picture of me and Amanda when we were wee tykes. 

     Right? The mischievous goblin-face, it's apparently a family trait. 

FAVORITE SOUND: THE BOB'S BURGERS INTRO SONG

     Yep, that's a thing that's happening now. I remember when this show first aired I thought the ads for it looked incredibly stupid. But people kept telling me I would like it, so I did and here we are. I relate strongly to Louise, the somewhat psychotic youngest child, because of course I do. So yeah, it's kind of a cheat to slip in a favorite tv show under the heading of "sound," but I do walk around humming the theme song a lot, so it sort of counts. Just roll with it man, be cool for once!

FAVORITE SMELL: MIIIGHT HAVE TO BUY THIS PERFUME SOME DAY

     This was just one of the little stink-good pamphlets that falls out of every magazine on Earth, but for some reason I decided to smell it instead of chucking it immediately as per usual, and I'm really glad I did. It smells like a fancy grown-up lady with her shit together walking through a park in fall. Or something. I dunno, it's kind of cozy but also sweet? I just like it a lot. I'm thinking of getting the little rollerball size of it to wear in the cooler months.

FAVORITE FEEL: THE DRESS SO NICE I BOUGHT IT TWICE

     I liked this dress from Kohl's so much I bought it in black and white. Part of the reason for that is it's surprisingly soft and floaty. The other part is that it was on clearance for like NINE DOLLARS. That's ridiculous. I couldn't afford NOT to buy it in two colors. White for when I want to look like I'm going to a very casual hippie wedding, black for when I want to look like a sassy cool witch who's a big deal on Tumblr. 

FAVORITE TASTE: TRY NOT TO BE TOO SHOCKED BUT IMMA CHEAT AGAIN HERE AND PICK AN APP AS A TASTE

     Hear me out though. My favorite taste-related app is the Chipotle mobile ordering app. I downloaded it when it first became available for Android an absolute age ago, and it was so horrible and unusable that I ended up deleting it and just waiting in line for my burrito bowl like all the other plebes. But on a lark the other day I re-downloaded it and THANK GOD it is so much better now. It's much more streamlined and intuitive, so it's really easy to put in everyone's order, name them so you can save them for later, pay online, and just bust up in there half an hour later and skip the line to pick up your food like you're Oprah. Or Oprah's assistant, let's be honest. 

Quick Fixes: T-shirt Envy

     Here's a scenario I find myself in frequently: you see a t-shirt somewhere online and think "Oooh, I want that!" then you either a) can't find it again later or b) track down where it comes from and find out it doesn't come in the size/color/material/exact font that you want. What do you do? Make your own! 

     This time around I kept seeing variations of the same idea: some shirt (long sleeve, short sleeve, white, pink, blue, what have you) with the phrase "ex-mermaid" on it in any number of fonts. This pleased me. I frequently joke that I used to be a mermaid, since that would explain the truly stupid amount of hair I have as well as my insane water consumption needs (I wake up like Spongebob in Sandy's treedome. waaaater. waaaater. Also one time in Target I picked up a bottle of water at the checkout, but the line was somewhat longish and by the time I got to the cashier I had to buy a second bottle because I'd already drank the first one. The struggle is real). And my uncanny ability to lure sailors to their deaths and collect their souls, I guess (I would not be a sweet mermaid). Anyway, I decided I'd just whip myself up a version of that theme.

     For the stencil, I downloaded a free font I liked, typed it up, then printed it and asked my mom to trace/cut it out of stencil material because I can't be trusted to not cut a finger off with an x-acto knife (I'm too shaky; like a chihuahua but more rattled). Then I just taped the corners down...

This neon paint and nail polish color actually make me look tan. What a fantastic illusion. 

     And stippled the paint straight up and down over the stencil. If you go at an angle at all you can end up getting paint under the stencil, so it's important to hold the stencil tight and your pouncer thingy straight. Then let the paint dry a bit, pull off the stencil and...

     Voila! The dark splotch up there is because I tried to ruin everything by getting a smidge of paint off the edge of the stencil. I caught it pretty quickly though, so it came out with a wet paper towel no problem. I think I'm going to roll the sleeves on the shirt (it's just a plain pale pink short sleeved oversized tee I picked up at a craft store out of a sale section. It doesn't look very pink here, but as we've seen, the neon plays tricks) and tack them so they stay up, then it'll be ready to wear!

Quick and Easy Maxi-skirt!

     This little project was born of necessity. Basically I was wearing the two other maxi skirts I own every day (well, every day it was warm enough) and realized I could use a more neutral one so I would never have to wear pants ever ever again so long as I shall live (until fall). So I picked up that gold polka-dotted stretchy number you saw in that preview post, and a bit of elastic here and some stitching there, then I had a skirt! Ok, it was a little more than that. But not really. Basically here's what happened.

     Only one seam, since I wanted it to be gathered anyway (so you wouldn't see it) and "there's no point cutting it just to sew it back together" as a front and back panel, as my mom said. So wise. Elastic at the top, sewn on with the elastic streeeetched out, so it gathers when in its natural position, with one row of zig-zag stitches to hold it to the back of the fabric, folded over, and another row of stitches to hide it. Hem at the bottom -- honesty time, I haven't done it yet, which is why in the "finished" picture I'm about to show you I'm on my tippy toppy toes -- and that's about it. 

     So now I just need to hem this bad boy, then I shall commence wearing it every day until people start to make fun of me for it, at which point I will... continue to wear it but know in my heart of hearts that those people kind of suck a little bit. 

Sneaky peek-y!

     Over the weekend I was really very sick. For reference, I'm generally one of those stubborn idiots who won't go to the doctor until I'm knocking on Death's door at 3AM yelling "Come outside, Mr. Deathy, unless you're scaaaared," and at one point I was so dehydrated I was genuinely concerned I might need to go to the hospital. Couldn't keep any water down. Stomach bugs, man. They are my downfall (Well, I have many downfalls. I am a delicate flower). I'm feeling somewhat better since my dad ran out and got me every flavor of Gatorade so I could force in some electrolytes and junk, and my mom made me a grilled cheese when I was capable of eating again. That's the great thing about parents, man, they just refuse to let you die. Anyway, the point of that was to preface why today I've just got a little preview of some upcoming projects.  

     Any ideas what I'm making with these things? Don't worry, I'm not going to leave you in suspense. The sheer fabric with the cool little flower embroideries is going to be a kimono(?!)/sheer jacket/thing like the one from Target that I recently put in my favorites. Yep, just loved it so much I decided to pull a Thor (I like this. ANOTHER!). The black pom-pom trim is going on the sleeves, just like the Target one -- partly because I guess I ran out of creativity there, partly because I thought it would be a good way to keep it from looking too funereal/lingerie-like. As for that stretchy black fabric with gold polka dots, it's going to be a maxi-skirt. I have a blue one that I made from an old dress (I can't remember if I blogged about it or not, and I'm too mummy-brained to go look for it) that I wear constantly, so I thought it would be pretty easy to make another one. It's just an elasticized fabric tube, after all. Do those sound like last words, courting danger, asking for it to be really difficult for some reason? I kind of feel like yes, but I'm feeling reckless, let's leave it. 

(Insert your favorite pun based on the word "dye" here)

     Yesterday was an exciting benchmark -- my first foray into dyeing clothes! I had never dyed anything before (aside from tie-dye projects, obviously. Wait, is that obvious?), mostly because I had this conception that it was a big hassle and super messy. But I finally had the kick in the pants I needed to try it out, in the form of this hand-me-down shirt. 

     Amanda was cleaning out her closet the other day and asked me if I wanted this shirt to sleep in or something. The caveat of "to sleep in or something" is because of that stain on the left sleeve; apparently she got chocolate on it, didn't notice, washed and dried it, then noticed it, and....left it sitting in her closet for five months. So that's a pretty damn set-in stain. It was not coming out. And sure, I could have just worn it as a PJ top, but it's one of the nice soft, drapey, comfy shirts from Victoria's Secret that I'm too cheap to buy myself. I wanted to make the most of this freebie! So I decided to try dyeing it a dark color to hide the stain and thus squeeze some extra wearability out of it. I figured it was at least worth a shot, since even if I ruined it completely somehow, hey, it was still a free shirt to begin with. 

     I picked this dark purple dye because I figured it would camouflage the stain but still be pretty. Obviously to hide a chocolate stain, brown or black would be the easiest options, but I didn't want to go brown because brown is a disgusting color (sorry I'm not sorry), and black would have looked fine, but since I mainly wear dark-washed jeans or leggings, dyeing the shirt black would pretty much rule out wearing it anywhere other than funerals with very casual dress codes. So, purple it is. I followed the directions on the back of the packet almost to the letter, except that it said to stir the fabric item in the dye/hot water/salt mixture constantly for fifteen minutes, and I felt like surely they had just put that on there to screw with people. Fifteen minutes is a long time to stand around stirring a tub of clothes and murky water like Charlie Bucket's mom. I stirred for maybe three minutes before I got bored and quit. 

I mean, I stirred it a little better than this. 

     Then after it had stewed for the appropriate amount of time, I rinsed-rinsed-rinsed it in the sink before chucking it in the washer on cold with some similarly colored items. Yeah, I did a purple load. How's that for separating your laundry? I didn't put it in the dryer because the packet said to avoid exposing the dyed item to heat or sunlight. So to avoid heat, I figured best not put it in the dryer or wear it when snuggled up in my heated blanket, and to avoid sunlight, I'll just continue my usual cave-dweller lifestyle. Once it had air-dried...ta-da!

     You can still see the stain if you're looking, but it's at a level of unnoticeableness (pretend that's a word) that I'm comfortable with. Only the truly detail-oriented will notice when I'm wearing it (especially because it's on the back of the sleeve, where I'd have to be raising my hand or something, which I rarely do because I'm a rebel and I'll talk out of turn if I want to, dammit. YOLO and such).  I think it's kind of cool how the embroidered Victoria's Secret dog at the bottom didn't take any dye since it's synthetic thread and synthetic fibers are less porous than natural fibers because they're spun from polymers that make it smooth and blah blah blah, science. I am glad that none of the other threads are visible though, because I don't think I'd like a purple shirt with neon green seams. Too much muchness. The other side-effect is that all that stirring around with a stick, combined with no heat from the dryer, means this shirt streeeetched out quite a bit. I'm actually totally cool with that, because it just makes it slouchy and cocoon-esque and generally a delight to wear, but if you're thinking about dyeing something yourself, take that into account. 

     Overall I am happy to report that my first foray into at-home clothes dyeing is a success! I like when that happens. 

There is no Dana...

     The day has come! It's time to reveal my devious plans for Halloween, since I've finally gotten my act together enough to start working on it. My Halloween costume is...

     Dana Barrett (as possessed by Zuul) from Ghostbusters! I'm super excited to finally do this for Halloween, since I've been saying I wanted to for years. 

     I bought the two different types of fabric I showed in my sneak peek post knowing that there was never going to be one single fabric that matched the Zuul-y gloriousness above, and I was going to have to layer for authenticity. I could have just found a shimmery orange and it would have been passable, but I'm not aiming for just passable. If I'm doing Halloween, I'm doing Halloween all out. The shimmery shade-shifting fabric, underneath the orange sheer fabric, creates the perfect combination. The only drawback is that they're both sheer fabrics, and two sheers do not make an opaque (though it's not super obviously sheer, either). So I'll be wearing a nude-colored slip underneath my ensemble just to err on the side of caution and covered skivvies. Anyway, here's my plan of attack for this project. 

This picture also illustrates how surprisingly well those two fabrics layer to get the desired effect. In the picture above, the lining looks gold, but in other shots you can see it's really a much darker silver/purple/green color that just gives a hint of shimmer when it peeks through.

     
     First I spread the fabric out in the floor, doubled, and stared at it for a while. Then I asked my mom to please come help me before I destroyed everything, because I wasn't sure how to go about achieving my vision here, so I needed her advice, and also because I have a bad track record with specialty fabrics and didn't want to ruin the limited amount I had bought for this, only to go back and find out it was gone and I couldn't buy anymore and all my dreams would crash down around me. Point being, I ruin specialty fabrics sometimes, so I asked her to do the actual sewing for me, since she's got way more sewing know-how and experience than me. No shame in asking for help when you're out of your depth!

     Once that important step was out of the way, we came up with the basic plan you see above. The top is on a fold, and the bottom edges have been sewed together (so it's four layers of fabric, orange and shimmer sewed together, then another orange and shimmer together) so that it can be treated as one swath of fabric with a hem already in place. From there we cut off a strip along the side, on the fold, that will become a sash/belt. Then we guesstimated a size for the neck opening; I tried it on and we ended up making it a few inches wider anyway. Now, for my purposes, we ended up cutting along the top (where the neckline goes) all the way across after cutting off the sash piece, then re-sewing the dress at the top of the sleeves and finishing the neck opening with a small hem. But that's just an option, you could just as easily leave it on the fold and only cut out and finish the neckline. Different strokes and all. 

     The body of the dress is going to be formed by cutting out and sewing a Dolman sleeve onto a basic tunic shape that's intentionally left quite loose and wide so it can be gathered by the sash. I say "going to be" because after the intense planning stage and the surprising amount of time it took to get the fabric flattened out, trimmed into even pieces, sewed together at two ends, turned out right and ironed, and cut and sewn into the basic formation (both of the fabrics are quite clingy and finnicky, and the shimmery fabric tends to roll, which makes the whole thing kind of a nightmare to even get laid out evenly, honestly), my mom and I both agreed that we'd made a respectable amount of progress for one night. But you know I couldn't leave you without another preview, so here's how it looks draped on the dress form right now, just to give you an idea of the direction it's headed in. Obviously, since the sides haven't been shaped at all, it's rather bunchy right now. But it'll turn out brilliantly, I'm sure. I have faith in the powers of Halloween magic! Ok, and in my super helpful mom. 

     This picture also helpfully illustrates why I'm opting to wear a slip underneath. In real life, this looks fine. But add flash photography and suddenly you're untagging yourself in every Facebook photo you can find because oh hi, there's your underwear.

     I'll be keeping you updated on any progress as it's made on this project, including when I road-test the method I'm thinking of using for getting crazy-big, frizzy, ultra-80's demonic possession hair. I am beyond excited for that. Note: not sarcasm, I seriously cannot wait to push the limits of exactly how much space my hair can occupy. For science! And my own amusement. 

    

Mathematical!

     I'm gonna keep the intro to this super short: I love Adventure Time (it's a cartoon, in case you're better at being an adult than me and don't watch cartoons anymore). I love it enough to advertise my love on a pair of shoes. Those shoes are not hypothetical. These are those shoes. 

     Now for the details. I painted these with acrylic paint. I chose BMO for the front of the right shoe, Lumpy Space Princess for the front of the left, Finn and Jake for the outside panels, and the simple grass from the closing credits for the inside panels. The only one I'm not 100% satisfied with is Jake, and I may yet go back and fix that panel, but I finished these super late and couldn't bring myself to take it on yet. I may also just leave it as is, because I'm no perfectionist, and let's be honest: they're a pair of cheapie Walmart shoes, I'm going to destroy them with wear anyway. In the morning (the actual morning, not the super-late-at-night-technically-morning-hour that I'm writing this at) I'll take a Magic Eraser to the parts of the white soles that got paint on them to clean them up a bit, and put the laces back in, of course. 

     But for now, I'm gonna go have myself some Adventure Time themed dreams. 

Birthday Roundup!

     As you know from my placeholder post beautiful masterpiece of art, Monday was my birthday! Let's do a roundup of all my super fun gifts and my beautiful monster of a cake! In no particular order...wait, no, I'll go in order of presents I opened. Order out of chaos! 

     First I opened my present from my grandparents.
 

     BAM. Red boots!  Anyone who knows me knows I loooove boots. I like to stomp around and pretend I'm about to fight through an apocalypse or something. I've wanted a pair of red boots for ages and ages. Like, since the first time I saw Footloose, even though the chick with the red boots is SO OBNOXIOUS OH MY GOD. But still, cute boots are cute boots. They also make me think of Marceline the Vampire Queen (Adventure Time, anyone? No, I'm the only "grown-up" who still watches cartoons? Ok, cool, whatever).

     Next up was my present from Amanda.

     A So So Happy hoodie! I love the So So Happy characters. Even the cantankerous ones are so cute. This guy is named Puff (from the website, I didn't just pick that randomly). And check. out. the back. 

     Spikes on the hood and down the back! So I can be a dinosaur! Life goal: achieved. When the small children in your life say to you "I'm gonna be a dinosaur when I grow up!" go ahead and tell them "I'll bet you are, slugger. I'll just bet you are." 

     Next is my present from Jen. In the box I found this crazy-soft terry pullover type sweater (all I wear these days is fall clothes, I don't even care that it's 95 outside. With AC on my side I can pretend it's autumn forever!)

 

     And underneath that, the cutest jimjams I have ever laid eyes upon. 

     Obviously that isn't the best picture in the world to show off the pajamas, but I'm using it anyway because it tickles me. Except the gross veins in my hands. As soon as I saw this picture full sized I actually stopped what I was doing, said "Whoa there homes, time to hydrate," and went to get some water. But still, polka dots and kitty feet!

     The last thing I opened was my present from my parents. I opened the big-ass box and found this jewelry box!

     But that wasn't all. This was the gift that just kept on giving. It was full of little bits and bobs from my Forever 21 wishlist and things I had pinned on Pinterest or otherwise hinted that I liked, (before you go thinking that makes me a brat, it was because she had been asking me to send her links to potential presents, I wasn't just like "BUY ME DIS AND DIS") like the two headbands up top there...

 

     ...and this little apple-scented fragrance tucked in the side door. Apple is probably my #1 all-time favorite smell in the world, in case you were feeling like you needed some obscure Jacki-trivia today. The jewelry box also contained...

     ...the earrings in the bottom middle there, which match the necklace I got for my birthday last year (which, hey look! You can see in this next picture)...

....and this triangular necklace that kind of looks like gilded shark teeth (mermaid-warrior-princess-chic, it's a thing I'm gonna make happen)...

     ...This little moon-and-star necklace, which is tiny and delicate and perfect in every way...

     ...and the even tinier set of studs that matches it. I can't even tell you how perfect these are. They're so small and cute! And, of course, they're a crescent moon and a star, which you're probably noticing I have an obsession with. Last but certainly not least, I'll show you my very favoritest compartment in this jewelry box...the ring section. 

Bonus appearance by my new jimjams in the mirror. Professionalism!

     Sigh. Look at all the glorious options. Rings are my absolute favorite. The four rings in the middle column were part of my gift (more moons and stars! Shock, horror!), the rest are all the rings I immediately sat down to fill the case with so I could look at them all and go "my precioussesssss!" I'm not even kidding, several times since I opened this present I've gone into my closet to put together different combinations of stacking rings, then take them off and put them back in their little places. I'm weird. But it makes me happy.

     Now that I've shown you all the amazing things my super-generous family got for me, let's get down to serious business: CAKE. I couldn't find a recipe that I liked for my birthday cake, so I kind of...um...invented one. No, really. I sat down and drew up a schematic like Dr. Frankenstein to bring my monster cake to life. 

Just in case you thought I was kidding. I never kid about food.

     And like Frankenstein's monster, once it had been brought to life it could not be contained:

     It was so ridiculously good. I could only eat a half slice at a time because, I mean, look at that. It's intimidating. But I like food that challenges me towards a higher standard of gluttony, forcing me to say "If I eat one more bite I may go into a diabetic coma, but I'M GONNA FINISH THIS. I just need a breather. I won't quit on you, cake. Wait for me in the fridge, I'll come back for you. (My Heart Will Go On playing softly in the background, getting louder as the fridge door closes)."

     Point being, that cake was damn good. It's definitely going to be my new birthday tradition. 

     And that brings us to the end of my birthday roundup! I hope you enjoyed having a looky-loo at all the fun stuff I got, and didn't feel like I was bragging. I'm just really grateful that I have an awesome family that knows me so well and picks out amazing gifts! 

Quick Fixes: One-hour Skirt!

     Let me lay out the timeline for you on this skirt: I bought some plain black stretchy fabric yesterday, intending to make a skirt just like one I already own with it for this blog post. Faffed about town for a bit, went home, did some work on the manuscript I'm editing for a few hours, then realized at 9:00 that I hadn't started the skirt. Panicked. Started sewing...then finished the skirt at 10:00 pm. It was like magic! I love when projects go quickly without any huge life-altering "why did I think I could sew in the first place" mishaps. 

     So let me walk you through how I copied the skirt on the left to make the black one on the right! 

If you're noticing that the black skirt looks longer, that's because it is. It was on purpose, I promise.

     First I flattened the existing skirt out on top of my fabric and simply cut around it, leaving space for seam allowance. I know it's hard to tell, but the existing skirt does actually have a waistband, so I folded that over at the seam, added seam allowance, and cut it out as if it wasn't there so that I could add the waistband as a separate piece later. 

Go ahead and just cut around the cat. Also, I'm wearing shorts here, I promise. They just got hidden behind my giant "Depressed Mr. Rogers" sweater.

     Then I folded the fabric over so that when I cut out the waistband I'd be left with four pieces. To do this, again I just cut out around the free edges, leaving seam allowance, then folded the skirt up at the seam to see where I should cut the remaining edge. Which left me with a skirt front, skirt back, and two waistband pieces, each of which is two layers of fabric. It's helpful to fold the pieces exactly in half and cut a notch in each to mark the center for alignment purposes later.

More cat-butt. I guess that's what you get when you work in the floor.

     
     Then I pinned the edges together and sewed along the sides of the main skirt piece and sewed the waistband pieces together into one circular piece. Next I sewed along the top of the circular piece so that when I turned it right-side-out it would have a finished edge on top and an open edge on the bottom.I know that was confusing, so here's a picture to (hopefully) help:

In case that description was super confusing: two seams here, connecting a front waistband and a back waistband, each of which is two layers of fabric that I treated as one. Helpful? Making it worse? I dunno, I try.

     Then I just had to carefully align the seams and notches and sew the waistband to the skirt with the raw edges aligned. I suppose if you're an over-achiever or a perfectionist you could serge the inside edges, but this fabric isn't going to unravel or fray at all and I'm lazy, so I didn't. Don't be like me. Or do, it's fun sometimes. 

     All that was left at that point was a quick hem, which I won't bother including pictures of because duh, it's a hem. You fold it and iron it and sew it and then go "yay." And it was done! 

The weird line on my face is because there's a mirror on the wall reflecting funny, I didn't just get overaggressive with the contouring this morning. Also I can tell my brain is straight up DONE for the day because I just stared at this for three full minutes trying to figure out how that shadow works.

     So there you have it, the world's fastest skirt. If you don't have a skirt to copy but you still want to make one, you could easily just pin the fabric onto your body wrong-side out, pin it where you want it to fit, and sew it up that way. Or you could do the whole bit with measuring and thinking things through, but I don't enjoy that, so I wouldn't recommend it, personally. The end!





    

Friday Favorites!

     It's been a while since I put together a list of the things that have been making me happy lately, so I thought I'd do that today! 

1. Mint Chocolate Candle
   
    

   

   Mmmm, smells like delicious.

   
        I'm not kidding when I tell you this candle smells exactly like mint chocolate chip ice cream. It is AMAZING. I love food scents, but I feel like a lot of food scented candles smell the same: vaguely cupcake-y, good, but really sweet. This one smells just like what it's supposed to, and doesn't do that thing where after burning it for a while the scent starts to make me sick. I want to leave that as a review on the website: "This smell doesn't make me sick! High praise!"
   
   
2. This Shirt, because obviously 

   

   Sorry that these pictures are all kind of dimly lit, it's been a hectic week so I ended up taking these at like 11:30 at night.

        Do I even need to explain why this makes me so happy? It's a bunch of my favorite things (soft, baggy shirts, seafoam green, pretty prancing ponies -- what more could I ask for?) crammed together into something I can drape on my body. Sold.
   
   
3. My Singing Monsters app 

   

   The little green guy just happens to sing my heart-song.

   
        I downloaded this app because Amanda DESPERATELY wanted someone other than her to play it and share her joy. So I did, and now I have a bunch of monsters sitting around serenading me. It's pretty delightful. The downside is that we both now run around singing the monsters' various songs constantly now. They don't have words, it's just like, screaming a bunch of "la la la's" at the top of your lungs, or muttering "shoop shooby, shooba dee doo" under your breath. We're fun to be around.
   
   
4. Solarcaine spray 

   

   Bonus Bessie butt makes this picture 60% better, yes?

   
        I picked this up while on vacation and have been raving about it to anyone planning to travel to sunny climes ever since. It's basically an aloe and lidocaine spray designed to soothe and numb sunburns. When I had a nice flavorful sear going on on the front of my legs, this spray is what brought me back to a point where I could bend my knees without feeling like my skin might crack like a cheesecake (I'll stop with the food metaphors now). Now that my sunburn has healed, I've found the spray also works well for mosquito bites. It's a lifesaver since mosquito bites swell up to the size of a softball on me even if I don't itch them; if they DO get itchy I could go full Violet Beauregard and just swell up uncontrollably.
   
   
5. Tortellini 
   
        I'm sure I've mentioned before how I go through food obsession phases where I'll eat the same thing every day for a week, right? This week that thing has been tortellini. I've been to Target three times in the last week, and every time I bought tortellini. I had Chipotle for dinner last night, and actually thought afterwards, "I could go for some tortellini." My food obsessions are INTENSE, y'all. I'm gonna turn into a tortellini. And then eat myself. Tortellinception. That's why I don't have a picture to go with this one. Because I ate all the tortellinis in the world before they could be photographed. Sorry about that. 

The Cute Cut-off Quest

     You may remember that not long ago in a Favorite Things post, I mentioned that I had bought a pair of shorts. And that was all well and good, but I still wasn't totally satisfied. You see, those shorts are great, but I also wanted a pair of cut-offs. Something about a pair of old, fraying denim shorts that look like you whacked them off on impulse is so classic Americana to me. But I could never find a pair I liked because most stores insist on making them ludicrously short, which doesn't work for me. Because of my own particular body shape, I also found that if a pair of shorts fit at the waist and hips, they were generally too tight on the thighs. So at last I gave up, resigned to the fact that no store would have my ideal cut-offs. 

     But of course when I say I gave up, I just mean on shopping. I never give up! Unless the task is really super duper un-fun. So over the weekend, I ventured to the attic in search of a pair of old jeans that were big enough to be loose in the end, with the intent to make my own Holy Grail of Cut-offs. I came back with a pair of my dad's old jeans from before he lost a bunch of weight, knowing he won't need them back and thus, I was free to bend them to my will. Muahahaha. Here's what they looked like when I started out...

Can you believe I lost this much weight eating at Subway?! Yeah me neither.

     And here's what they ended up looking like!

     Let's talk details and process. They may look like plain old shorts from this angle, but they're actually high-waisted! Which is exciting for me. High-waisted shorts were always one of those things that I thought were cute and vintage-looking on other people, but probably not for me. Turns out that they actually do work for me! Surprise! The great thing about tailoring these myself is that I got to make them fit my somewhat unusual hip to waist ratio perfectly, so they're not weirdly tight or too big anywhere and they emphasize my smallish waist. Plus, by virtue of simply eyeball trickery, anything with a high waist makes your legs look longer. 

     They also may look like they're folded over funny on the sides, but that's actually just where I took out all the extra fabric to make them fit. I ended up taking a lot of width out of the waist-band and tapering it out to make the legs loose and comfortable. That's why they look vaguely triangular in that picture: I'm actually a triangle (are you seeing now why it's so hard for me to buy shorts?). That's also where I lost a chunk of the small pocket, but I don't mind.

     You may notice that after all that talk of wanting cut-offs, these have a roll instead of a plain cut-off edge. That's because I'm still deciding how I want the edge to end up. I may leave them rolled (although if I go that route, I'll definitely even out the roll so it's the same width all around), or I may run them through the washer and let them unravel and fray a bit. I can't decide!

     As for the process, it breaks down into three steps, with an optional step depending on the size of the jeans you choose:

1. Try the jeans on inside-out and mark out a general indication of how much you need to take out. Don't worry about being precise; this project is mostly a series of adjustments that will eventually yield your ideal result. 

2. (Optional) If the jeans you're working with aren't ridiculously big on you, take the outside leg seams out of both legs. This way, if you end up keeping any part of the jeans the same size, the seam won't fold and pooch weird where the old seam ends and your new one begins. If they're super big, don't worry about it, you're just going to cut off the old seams anyway. 

3. Turn the jeans inside out and sew new leg seams in the general region of where you marked them. I recommend erring on the side of too-big (easier to adjust later) and doing this with a long basting stitch so if you don't like the result, you can easily take it out and try again. I also recommend doing this very slowly and carefully, because you can break a needle very easily on this type of project. I personally burned through two: one when I got too speed-happy and ran into a rivet, and another when I hit a particularly thick seam. Old denim and men's denim are tricky like that: because they're thicker and not stretchy, the seams are super thick. Once you've got your new seam, turn them right side out and try them on. If you like the result (keep in mind, they'll be a little snug with the extra fabric tucked in there -- I know it's a pain, but it really is better to check before you whack it all off), go ahead and sew the seam in a shorter, more permanent and sturdy stitch length, and cut off the extra fabric. Then try them on again and adjust to your liking. If they're still too big anywhere, just keep moving your stitch lines in on each side wherever the jeans need shrinking.

4. Cut off the legs at the length of your preference. Remember that you probably don't want to cut the shorts straight across unless you're a skinny minnie whose thighs have never thought of touching one another.  For most people, it's best to cut them at a slight angle, with the inseam a touch longer than the outside seam. That way if they ride up a smidge when you walk, you won't get that weird hungry-crotch effect where it looks like your crotch is eating your shorts (awkward).

     And because you know how I do, let's end this thing with a before and after shot! Let's also be appreciative that I'm putting a picture of myself in shorts on the internet, where things live eternal, all for the sake of this blog. The things I do for love!