Friday Favorites: Five Senses Edition!

FAVORITE SIGHT: LOOKET THESE GREMLINS IN THE WAGON OF MY YOOOUTH

     This cracks me up, not least because of how it compares to this picture of me and Amanda when we were wee tykes. 

     Right? The mischievous goblin-face, it's apparently a family trait. 

FAVORITE SOUND: THE BOB'S BURGERS INTRO SONG

     Yep, that's a thing that's happening now. I remember when this show first aired I thought the ads for it looked incredibly stupid. But people kept telling me I would like it, so I did and here we are. I relate strongly to Louise, the somewhat psychotic youngest child, because of course I do. So yeah, it's kind of a cheat to slip in a favorite tv show under the heading of "sound," but I do walk around humming the theme song a lot, so it sort of counts. Just roll with it man, be cool for once!

FAVORITE SMELL: MIIIGHT HAVE TO BUY THIS PERFUME SOME DAY

     This was just one of the little stink-good pamphlets that falls out of every magazine on Earth, but for some reason I decided to smell it instead of chucking it immediately as per usual, and I'm really glad I did. It smells like a fancy grown-up lady with her shit together walking through a park in fall. Or something. I dunno, it's kind of cozy but also sweet? I just like it a lot. I'm thinking of getting the little rollerball size of it to wear in the cooler months.

FAVORITE FEEL: THE DRESS SO NICE I BOUGHT IT TWICE

     I liked this dress from Kohl's so much I bought it in black and white. Part of the reason for that is it's surprisingly soft and floaty. The other part is that it was on clearance for like NINE DOLLARS. That's ridiculous. I couldn't afford NOT to buy it in two colors. White for when I want to look like I'm going to a very casual hippie wedding, black for when I want to look like a sassy cool witch who's a big deal on Tumblr. 

FAVORITE TASTE: TRY NOT TO BE TOO SHOCKED BUT IMMA CHEAT AGAIN HERE AND PICK AN APP AS A TASTE

     Hear me out though. My favorite taste-related app is the Chipotle mobile ordering app. I downloaded it when it first became available for Android an absolute age ago, and it was so horrible and unusable that I ended up deleting it and just waiting in line for my burrito bowl like all the other plebes. But on a lark the other day I re-downloaded it and THANK GOD it is so much better now. It's much more streamlined and intuitive, so it's really easy to put in everyone's order, name them so you can save them for later, pay online, and just bust up in there half an hour later and skip the line to pick up your food like you're Oprah. Or Oprah's assistant, let's be honest. 

Friday Favorites: A random sample of things from various technologies!

AKA let's look at stuff from my phone and what I've been playing on my tablet lately! 

     I had to take a picture to document that this is a real show that was on, because it's basically the pinnacle of television as an art form. Everybody else can stop trying, it's all downhill from here. You can't top that. You just can't. 

     Ditto for this headline. I didn't even read the rest of the story because I didn't feel like I needed to and there's no way it could even be a real story. This has to be a story they generated by picking words out of a hat. Has to be. This cannot be real life. 

This is the game I've been into lately. It's exactly what is sounds like. You start out as a reef shark and eat everything you can to grow into bigger sharks, eventually getting to MEGALODON. I'm sure it's not the point of the game or anything, but there's barrels of toxic waste and explosive mines and a bunch of random human junk all around the ocean floor and it makes me kind of want to eat all the people floating in their donut rings just because hey, humanity, stop ruining all the nice things like oceans. Team sharks 4eva.

    On a related note, I'm also really into the OCEARCH app, where you can track sharks and see where they're hanging out and stuff. Like, check out Genie, a 14 ft. white shark hanging out off the coast of Virginia. 

     What, you thought I was going to do a Friday favorites and not include some specimen of stunning baby cuteness? Nah bro, that ain't me. Here's a clip of Evie trying to decide if she likes applesauce or not. Spoiler alert: she totally does. 

The real Farm Hero is the undercover FDA worker filming it all for an expose on the nightly news.

     So Jen got me hooked on this game called Farm Heroes Saga...you may recognize it as the thing that floods your Facebook feed around the time everybody has lunch breaks. She downloaded it on my tablet while she was here one day, then when it finished downloading (about a week later. Have I mentioned recently we have somewhat poor internet here?) I thought, "Well, let's see what all the fuss is about." Cut to me, three days later, mumbling to myself "I hate this damn raccoon, tryna steal all my crops." But the more I played it, the more questions I had. 

     So it's just your standard sort of "shit falls from the sky and you put it in pairings to move on and your funny little brain-parts go 'Wheee! Order! Rewards!' and you feel like you accomplished things" kind of game, but if you stop to think about it, everything about it is so freaking weird. 

     My biggest question is what kind of freaky-ass genetic modification are they doing to this produce to make it all not only sentient, but also squee-incitingly adorable? For one thing, there's no way in hell this stuff is FDA approved. For another, I'm concerned enough about the fact that they're planning to sell giggling apples and onions with the ability to cry to the public for consumption in the first place -- do we need to get some sort of fruit-and-vegetable rights activism going here? -- but that raises the even more disconcerting question of who, exactly, the market for this is. Am I to believe that in the same magical universe where carrots and strawberries smile at you, there is a population of people who say "I could go for an apple, but what I really want is one that will scream and plead for mercy as I bite into it." A population large enough for whatever farm I'm trying to "hero" to be like "Sure, that sounds like a profitable and in no way morally turbulent decision?" 

    Or am I trying to save the produce FROM the farm? Because I do wonder, if this place has the kind of funding and resources available to engineer anthropomorphized fruit, why do I do all the harvesting with a dog pushing a wheelbarrow? Surely we could afford a tractor or something. Am I some sort of rogue super-heroine, saving the fruit and vegetables (and chickens --GOD DON'T GET ME STARTED ON THE CHICKENS -- they're always frozen, which I guess is probably an experiment in cryogenics so all the freaky fruit can live forever? Or maybe they're frozen in order to extract DNA to mix with fruits, thus begetting their cuteness and self-awareness? If so, GEEZ, evil genius hiding behind the front that is this sham of a farm, you're supposed to use the embryos for that, stop freezing already-hatched chickens, that's stupid and mean) from the clutches of some power-hungry mad scientist? Is that why the dog that pushes the wheelbarrow is wearing boots, and the pig is wearing a scarf and aviation goggles (getaway plane driver, I guess)? Because in this alternate universe all living things have gained human-like cognitive skills, and the animals and a select league of humans have banded together to defend the subjugated consumable class? 

WHAT IS THIS GAME EVEN ABOUT. 

Game Day, Roasted Marshmallows, and Runny-Jumpy

     Those are the high points of my weekend, in case you couldn't guess (it's ok, I didn't really expect you to guess. I expected you to go "Whaaa?" and continue reading to figure out what on Earth I'm rambling about. That, dear friends, is called a hook. Thanks for playing). 

GAME DAY!

     As you may well know, I come from a Green Bay Packers family (well, not my mom, but we just hide her in the Shame Corner whenever she wears a Redskins t-shirt. Just kidding, Mom!). And now that football is back we've been getting the family together every weekend to cheer on the Pack. It's been fun, but the best part this weekend was this: 

Mmmm, rivalry.

     This is a collaborative cookie cake: it was Amanda's idea, my mom baked the cookie, and I slapped some frosting on it. And then we all came together as a team to eat it.

     To be fair, I guess the "best part" award is tied between cookie cake and getting to hang out with Jen, Jason, and the babies. Although I'm a little concerned about the amount of straight-up SCHEMING Ollie was doing...

"Hmmm, yes, I shall explosively poo the SECOND they remove my diaper! Brilliant..."

      Anyone else reminded of this guy from Beauty and the Beast?  Probably not, that reference was a bit of a reach. And Ollie's obviously way cuter and less menacing. But he does a good impression of an evil insane asylum manager, right? Right. Anyway. 

ROASTED MARSHMALLOWS

     This is the part where I throw you a plot twist, M. Night Shyamalan style, because I don't mean actual marshmallows, I mean this: 

Smells like happiness and burning.

      I've got this Marshmallow Fireside candle burning as I write this and it smells so goooooood. Since it's been nice outside I've got the windows open, and the combination of the breeze and the cool air and the crickets and tree frogs outside and this candle is delightful. It really does smell like somebody nearby is having a campfire. I plan to go buy the full-sized version of it at Bath and Body Works the next time I get an email telling me three-wick candles are on sale.

Runny-Jumpy

     Obviously, because it's me, Runny-Jumpy isn't going to be a real thing, it's going to be the stupid thing I've been calling something else. In this case, I'm referring to my latest favorite game to play on my tablet when I've got a couple minutes to kill: Wind-Up Knight. 

Featuring Chicken-Dragons. I could get all 12th century lit on you and call it a cockatrice, but let's be real. It's a chicken-dragon.

      The reason I call it Runny-Jumpy should be fairly obvious: you do a lot of running and jumping. Also because I'm a bit of a simpleton, but mostly it's just an apt description when someone asks me what I'm playing. It's a side-scroller that starts out pretty simple, just collecting coins and slaying stupid-looking mythological terrors, but you get more abilities (a shield, dodge roll, wall-jumping) as you advance through the levels. I like that it gets more difficult, so it keeps me on my toes, but there are still only ever a max of four buttons to hit, so it doesn't get too insane.

     So those are the things I've enjoyed over the weekend! Hopefully you all had delightful weekends as well, although maybe involving less baby-scheming and burning-smells and more... I dunno, relaxation or whatever. 

Friday Favorites!

     It's been a while since I put together a list of the things that have been making me happy lately, so I thought I'd do that today! 

1. Mint Chocolate Candle
   
    

   

   Mmmm, smells like delicious.

   
        I'm not kidding when I tell you this candle smells exactly like mint chocolate chip ice cream. It is AMAZING. I love food scents, but I feel like a lot of food scented candles smell the same: vaguely cupcake-y, good, but really sweet. This one smells just like what it's supposed to, and doesn't do that thing where after burning it for a while the scent starts to make me sick. I want to leave that as a review on the website: "This smell doesn't make me sick! High praise!"
   
   
2. This Shirt, because obviously 

   

   Sorry that these pictures are all kind of dimly lit, it's been a hectic week so I ended up taking these at like 11:30 at night.

        Do I even need to explain why this makes me so happy? It's a bunch of my favorite things (soft, baggy shirts, seafoam green, pretty prancing ponies -- what more could I ask for?) crammed together into something I can drape on my body. Sold.
   
   
3. My Singing Monsters app 

   

   The little green guy just happens to sing my heart-song.

   
        I downloaded this app because Amanda DESPERATELY wanted someone other than her to play it and share her joy. So I did, and now I have a bunch of monsters sitting around serenading me. It's pretty delightful. The downside is that we both now run around singing the monsters' various songs constantly now. They don't have words, it's just like, screaming a bunch of "la la la's" at the top of your lungs, or muttering "shoop shooby, shooba dee doo" under your breath. We're fun to be around.
   
   
4. Solarcaine spray 

   

   Bonus Bessie butt makes this picture 60% better, yes?

   
        I picked this up while on vacation and have been raving about it to anyone planning to travel to sunny climes ever since. It's basically an aloe and lidocaine spray designed to soothe and numb sunburns. When I had a nice flavorful sear going on on the front of my legs, this spray is what brought me back to a point where I could bend my knees without feeling like my skin might crack like a cheesecake (I'll stop with the food metaphors now). Now that my sunburn has healed, I've found the spray also works well for mosquito bites. It's a lifesaver since mosquito bites swell up to the size of a softball on me even if I don't itch them; if they DO get itchy I could go full Violet Beauregard and just swell up uncontrollably.
   
   
5. Tortellini 
   
        I'm sure I've mentioned before how I go through food obsession phases where I'll eat the same thing every day for a week, right? This week that thing has been tortellini. I've been to Target three times in the last week, and every time I bought tortellini. I had Chipotle for dinner last night, and actually thought afterwards, "I could go for some tortellini." My food obsessions are INTENSE, y'all. I'm gonna turn into a tortellini. And then eat myself. Tortellinception. That's why I don't have a picture to go with this one. Because I ate all the tortellinis in the world before they could be photographed. Sorry about that.