So I'm handling the snow pretty well.

     Basically I figure if I refuse to look at it and continually deny its existence it's not real. No snow here. Nope. Springtime abounds.

Quick Fix: Stealing some Spring...

     Like most people, I've had just about enough cold weather for this year, thankyouverymuch, so whilst strolling through the store the other day, a little glimpse of things to come caught my eye: bulbs! Like, plant bulbs, not light bulbs. We all know I don't have the best track record with those. So I picked up a box of what is supposed to turn into this...

     ... but which for now looks like this...

     Sad trombone sound. I gussied it up as much as I could with lace and ribbon, but there's no getting around the fact that right now it's just a jar of dirt. A fancily dressed jar of dirt, but a jar of dirt nonetheless. But let's pretend it's a grand metaphor for my blossoming hopes and dreams and the slow but sure return of warmer weather or something, ok? Ok. Cool. Glad we got that sorted. 

     Anyway, I know it's kind of a stretch to call this a quick fix, but it will be pretty quick in the grand scheme of things, because bulbs can grow pretty fast indoors. I'll let you know when I start seeing progress! Or if it turns out to be a dud, but I'm hoping that's not the case. 

Snow day, snow dog?

     I know I said I was going to hibernate through this snow storm, but I did end up crawling out of my cozy cave to play in the snow for a bit...and build this masterpiece with Amanda: a life-size snow Lexie!

     If you're thinking that's not so impressive, please consider that our model there is 155 pounds of snuggle; that is to say, she ain't little. So a life-size snow replica was a good bit of work. Especially when your model insists on snuffling up behind you to try to eat the snow. 

A weather "event?" What, like a gala or something?

     So here we are, east coast friends, once again on the cusp of a weather "event" that's going to bring cold and snow and ice and misery upon us. Oh well. I'm trying to make the best of it -- if nothing else it's a stellar opportunity to wear all my sweaters at once -- but I must admit I'm not looking forward to another round of winter weather. Mostly because, here at least, snow isn't a pretty winter wonderland thing where it's all fluffy light pretty snowdrifts and junk (I feel like that's a thing in Canada? I dunno, I've never been to Canadia-land. I'll ask a Mountie next time I meet one. Also, did you know that Mounties are actually totally badass? Like they'll chase you straight over the border into the States and shoot you down with a submachine gun if you try to flee after, I dunno, stealing a moose or whatever? Fun fact). Here it might be pretty snow for a couple hours, tops, but there's always a layer of gross slush and ice underneath that just makes it treacherous to try and get anywhere and mucks everything up with gray ice-goo.

Shit, weather.com, you ain't messin' around, huh?

     But the bright side of a weather mess like this is it's a great excuse to stay in bed bundled up like a burrito all day. Unless you have a job that won't be closed due to inclement weather and you have to trudge out there no matter what to keep society from falling into chaos -- like working for the power company, Dad -- in which case, sorry that you have to do that, but thanks for preventing the collapse of our nation's infrastructure, I guess! I work from home though, so here's how I'm getting ready to spend a few frosty days indoors. 

NEW INSULATING SHADES! 

     Hey look, a solution to all my complaining about how cold my room is! These replaced the room-darkening pull-down shades I had before, and it's a massive improvement. They keep my room noticeably warmer because they're honeycombed, so there's an extra layer of air pockets to keep warm air in and cold air out. It used to be that you could step across the threshold into my room and instantly feel the drop in temperature, like a ghost lived in here with me. Now it's much closer to the temperature of the rest of the house, and I can sit at my desk over by the window without fear of losing fingers to frostbite now! The added bonus is that they're not room-darkening, they're just "light-filtering." I consider this a plus because I don't like to wake up in a dark room, and my room faces west anyway, so it's not like the sun busts in here at dawn. I need the light to be able to come in and help me cobble together some semblance of the Circadian rhythm I seem to have been born without. With these shades I can keep them shut at night to prevent all the heat from getting sucked right out the windows without having to sacrifice the morning light. Yay! 

THE HEATED BLANKET THAT I PROFESS MY LOVE FOR EMBARRASSINGLY OFTEN!

When I first got this, I hooked it up that night and without my contacts in, I could swear it went up to 11, Spinal Tap style. I was crushed when I realized it just said H for "high" or "hot" or "hell yes" or whatever. 

     I know I talk about it more often than some people talk about their children, but I seriously think I have become a person for whom a heated blanket is a necessity. This could be because I have the cold tolerance levels of a 95 year old chihuahua, but whatever, it's amazing. There's nothing cozier than pre-heating your bed while you take a shower, then climbing in like a human hot-pocket to combat the after-shower-shivers (serious condition). 

THAT WORK THING I MENTIONED I DO!

     This weather event, be it snow/ice/raining men, will at least be productive for me because I just picked up two new books to edit, just in time to keep me from going crazy if I get stuck in the house! I've been editing a lot of research papers and citation lists lately, which is still fun because I get to learn about things I otherwise wouldn't (and even citations can be kind of fun because it's basically just rearranging and formatting things according to a set of prescribed, if somewhat arbitrary, rules, which is supremely satisfying to anyone with a slightly compulsive personality), but I always get extra excited about editing stories. I mean, getting to read books for a living is kind of a dream gig, yeah? 

     I hope if you're in an impacted area you're all keeping warm and entertained however you so choose, be it working, catching up on a month's worth of missed sleep, or marathoning all the Harry Potter movies! 

     

"What sort of horrid ice goblin is guarding the thermostat?"

A comic requested by Amanda. 

Beach Post #3!

     My beach week is coming to an end! It's always sad when a vacation ends, and it always goes by too quickly. But I'm looking forward to getting home and starting up some new projects. The getaway was a good way to get my creative juices flowing again -- I have lots of ideas! And it's good timing to leave today anyway, what with Andrea barreling directly towards where we stayed. Anyway, let's talk about what I did during my last two days in North Carolina. 

     Part of each of the last three days of my trip was spent raging at this one dude who showed up on the beach outside our house every day -- for THREE DAYS, remember -- to dig a giant hole in the sand (like, waist-deep) and then leave it there, unfilled, like a booby-trap for unsuspecting people/animals/children/beached whales. WHY? To what end? One theory was that he liked to let it fill with the incoming tide and warm up like a hobo hot-tub, but two of the three days the hole was so far inland the only way it was gonna fill up was with a sudden downpour or a truly stupid number of trips to the water and back with a bucket. Surely it's not just for fun, right? There's literally an entire movie about how digging holes is so unpleasant it can be used as punishment/reformation for degenerate pre-teens. I wouldn't even care if he'd just fill it in at the end of the day, but no. Just left it there each time for someone else to deal with, which is just rude. It's like pooping in the floor of a bank and assuming someone else will clean it up: yeah, some poor soul will probably do it eventually, but should they have to? No.

     When I wasn't busy raging against this obnoxious stranger, though, we did fun things. Like visit the dunes at Jockey's Ridge State Park. Some members of our party who shall remain nameless think dunes are super boring, but I thought it was cool. The best description comes from a review I read before we went, which simply said, "An impressive pile of sand. That is all." That's accurate. But I'm down to be impressed by large piles of sand, so that's cool with me. If you're expecting to get up there and like, go bowling or be served a three course meal or really DO anything other than look at stuff and go "cool, man," then yeah, you're gonna be disappointed. But looking at stuff and saying "cool, man" is a hobby of mine, so I enjoyed it. 

Welcome, this is my dune. I can't say "dune" in anything other than a deep, creepy, drawn-out way more suitable to the word "doom." Duuuuuune.

More duuuuunes. Click to embiggen. Yeah, that's a word I've decided I like, get used to it.

     We also went putt-putt golfing, which I love because it combines overtly cheesy decor and whacking at stuff with sticks. I came in third (out of six people), so I won't complain. I totally would have won first place if I hadn't been practically incapacitated by the sunburn I mentioned in my last update, which is still searingly painful...

Ugh, look how tan Amanda's legs are back there. Not even fair.

     Just kidding, I never would have won (serious about the "incapacitated by sunburn" part. I struggled mightily to put on pants yesterday). I'm not actually very good at putt-putt, but I like it anyway. 

     And I finally managed to get a better picture of the dolphins! 

I was dead-set on getting a picture that was better than the Bigfoot-quality one I had before.

     They were particularly excited -- jumping out of the water and slapping their tails on the water! It made me want a dolphin friend. Not to keep, just like, to pet at an aquarium or something. 

     And that's all, folks! I'll be back at home by the end of today, barring any catastrophic traffic or weather events (I'm lookin' at you, Andrea. You keep your stormy ass away from here til we're gone). 

     Regular posting will resume Monday!

Beach Post #2!

     I'm back with the second update on what I've been doing on vacation! Unfortunately this update is a bit more...crispy. But we'll get to that.

     Monday was stormy and rainy. I didn't mind because I like storms to begin with; a beach storm is twice as nice! We spent much of the day working on jigsaw puzzles and playing board games.

 
     And we saw dolphins! They like to swim along the shore here, but unfortunately the slippery little devils are really hard to catch in pictures. But I tried anyway!

     Once the rain slowed a bit we ventured out to do a bit of shopping. 

      Somewhat difficult, because the rain had flooded...um, everything. At times it felt more like a boat ride than a drive, but we made it nonetheless.

     I didn't buy anything, but I got to pet the world's fluffiest dog, so I'll call it a success. Later we found a nearby restaurant for dinner. I ordered a coconut breaded chicken sandwich, which came with a pineapple sauce that made it amaaaazing. 

     The next day was considerably brighter, so we decided to park ourselves on the beach for the day. We built this monster of a sandcastle. 

      All of my input was based almost entirely on Game of Thrones logic. I mean, obviously back there is the Keep, and the courtyard where the sand people practice their archery skills, and we need a good strong moat to keep the Lannisters at bay. 

     Unfortunately I sat in the sun screaming "NO, IT'S FINE, YOU STEPPED ON MY MOAT, I CAN JUST DIG IT AGAIN" for too long and got a painful sunburn. 

     Yep, that embarrassingly abrupt line is where the hem of my shorts falls. Luckily, since the breeze on the beach kept it a bit chilly, I had a zip-up hoodie on, so my top half didn't get burned at all. So at least that's something to be grateful for as I slather my entire lower half in aloe every ten minutes and walk around all stiffly like a recently reanimated skeleton, lest I accidentally move some skin and ignite the burning pain of the sun's core on my flesh.

     Anyway, despite feeling like I've got two steamed hot dogs instead of legs, I'm still having a good time. It takes more than sizzled skin to stop me!

A Spring Sewing Project

     I've finally gotten around to starting a new sewing project! I figured that since spring is here (allegedly. As I write this it's snowing, which makes me somewhat skeptical), it's about time to start on the pink jacket I mentioned approximately one billion years ago. It'll be useful for those April showers...assuming Mother Nature gets her act together and remembers that the showers this time of year are supposed to be made of liquid raindrops, not giant puffballs of snow or sleet.

     This isn't even sort of an accurate portrayal of the color, because I was in a hurry when I took the picture and I'm too much of a disappointment to bother with color correcting and all that noise. Also, I just noticed that the pattern envelope says $18.95 on it, so let's all just take a collective moment to have a hearty guffaw at that. Har har har! As if. Ninety-nine cent pattern sale, son!

     Here's what I can tell you about this jacket so far: It's pink, it will have a Peter Pan collar, and it will have those cute buttons on it. Here's what I can't tell you: how long it will be, whether or not I'll be putting pockets on it. I've got all the pieces cut out and ready, but I never know what or how much I'll be changing until it's come together a bit more.

     I'll be working on it throughout the coming week, so stay tuned for updates! (Do you ever think "Oh man, I bet the kids today don't even know why we say that. They've never had to tune a thing in their life!" Because it's not like they've ever had to slowly turn a dial like they're trying to break open a safe to find a radio station between the static, they just hit numbered buttons and magic happens. And now that I've brought it up, are you wondering why I would use that idiom in reference to the internet? GEEZ, don't you remember the old days, when we had to tune our internets by hand to change the website? Kids today, I tell you what...)

Why do they have to make weather so hard?

This is too hard. Way, way too hard. I don't need to know that the wind will come from SSW at 17 mph. I can barely even tell you which way is north on a good day, and 17 miles per hour tells me nothing about wind speed. I know that 17 mph is a speed at which a car hitting you might not kill you, but that doesn't really help me. Wind doesn't normally pick up cars, so measuring wind and driving speed with the same terminology strikes me as a little problematic. 

Really all I want to know is is it gonna be hot or cold, and if I wear a dress are people gonna see my underwear. I would be fine with a weather.com that only had a picture of a sun or a raining cloud and a simple message like "Good day for short sleeves" or "Bring an umbrella" (maybe with a caption underneath for "the good, wind-resistant one" or "the cute purse-sized one") or "You'll regret wearing that dress today when you have to hold it down against the wind and waddle like a very modest penguin past a group of construction workers." 

I just need it in simpler terms, you know? I mean, great, there's a 30% chance of rain. Is that higher or lower than my chances of surviving a shark attack? That would make it a lot easier to make plans. Because if they tell me "You have a better shot at surviving a shark attack than at going out without an umbrella and staying dry today," I would just suck it up and take the umbrella. But when they tell me 30%, well....that means nothing to me, so I'll just risk it. And probably regret it. 

These are my demands, weather.com. Less confusion, more comparison to shark attack statistical data.