Why do they have to make weather so hard?

This is too hard. Way, way too hard. I don't need to know that the wind will come from SSW at 17 mph. I can barely even tell you which way is north on a good day, and 17 miles per hour tells me nothing about wind speed. I know that 17 mph is a speed at which a car hitting you might not kill you, but that doesn't really help me. Wind doesn't normally pick up cars, so measuring wind and driving speed with the same terminology strikes me as a little problematic. 

Really all I want to know is is it gonna be hot or cold, and if I wear a dress are people gonna see my underwear. I would be fine with a weather.com that only had a picture of a sun or a raining cloud and a simple message like "Good day for short sleeves" or "Bring an umbrella" (maybe with a caption underneath for "the good, wind-resistant one" or "the cute purse-sized one") or "You'll regret wearing that dress today when you have to hold it down against the wind and waddle like a very modest penguin past a group of construction workers." 

I just need it in simpler terms, you know? I mean, great, there's a 30% chance of rain. Is that higher or lower than my chances of surviving a shark attack? That would make it a lot easier to make plans. Because if they tell me "You have a better shot at surviving a shark attack than at going out without an umbrella and staying dry today," I would just suck it up and take the umbrella. But when they tell me 30%, well....that means nothing to me, so I'll just risk it. And probably regret it. 

These are my demands, weather.com. Less confusion, more comparison to shark attack statistical data.