But then I mean, who doesn't, right? Right?

I bet Yoshi makes a lousy pet.

No moving parts: A true story.

     Alternative title: I have issues. (Also the title of the autobiography I'm not ever actually planning to write.) 

I mean, this may be a slight exaggeration. But it did feel pretty weird. 

Cat ownership in a nutshell.

     It's terribly exciting. 

I fail at online shopping.

I've been having a really hard time finding anything on my online shopping list lately. Most recently, I spent several hours looking for either a) new curtains or b) fabric to make new curtains, and couldn't come up with anything to my liking in either option. I looked at 3,872 different fabric prints (that's not an exaggeration, that's the actual number). And I still have no curtains. That's only the most recent in a string of failures. I just keep having moments where "I bet I could find it online" turns into someone finding me hunched over my laptop an hour later with a hollow look in my eyes. 

     Stop letting me down, internet. 

"What sort of horrid ice goblin is guarding the thermostat?"

A comic requested by Amanda. 

Don't hate me cause you ain't me.

Please read that post title in your sarcasm voice. 

Huh. That's interesting.

     I had a unique experience yesterday. I was trying to help Jen keep the babies happy so she could get some shopping done, but they were in rare form. As I stood there watching them scream bloody murder and flail about inconsolably because "AAAHHHH I'M TIRED AND I'M  NOT ASLEEP BUT I DON'T WANT TO SLEEP LIFE IS ULTIMATELY MEANINGLESS AHHHHH" or whatever, I had an actual pang in one of my ovaries that I can only imagine was my reproductive system recoiling in horror and saying "Nope, not anytime soon, not for me, no sir. Don't think so." Basically, this: 

Lesson Learned: I can't be trusted with a curling iron.

All they need are good friends, good fun...and a little time in the Harmony Hut!

     Today's illustrated tweet is brought to you courtesy of the Addams Family Values and Congressional incompetence. 

Honestly.

Slice of (crazy cat-lady) life.

     Last night I spent a good half hour laying in my floor, trying to will myself to have some creatively brilliant idea (which, as you can imagine, always works out well. Creative block? Fixate on it as MUCH AS POSSIBLE until it overtakes your will to live!). This process has changed since I got a cat. 

Videogame break!

     I spent my whole Tuesday afternoon playing the newly released Saints Row IV. Without spoiling anything for those of you who may want to play it, it's....different! I haven't played through much of the story yet, so I can't tell you much about that, but from what I have played, I can think of at least three titles for this game that would have been just as accurate:

"SAINT'S ROW IV: WE REALLY LIKE DUBSTEP"

     This game is really heavy on the dubstep. Like, really heavy. In a game full of aliens and superpowers and simulated realities, the most hard-to-believe part of the whole game is still that there could ever be a world in which demand necessitates not one, but TWO dubstep radio stations. In related news, I'm getting old and don't understand what The Kids Today™ are listening to.

"SAINTS ROW IV: BLUE IS A NICE COLOR"

     Noticing some very subtle visual clues...

"SAINTS ROW IV: RUN FAST AND JUMP HIGH"

     Not that you'll find me complaining. 

The Little Things

     It's good to appreciate the small things in life. Here's a small joy of mine. 

How was your day?

     Here's the kind of day I had yesterday:

I got in a fight with the cat.

I over-reacted to stupid situations.

And I had a self-tanner ordeal.

     Hopefully today will be better. So tell me, what kind of day are you  having?

Life Lessons from Left 4 Dead

     I love zombies. Zombie movies, zombie books, arguing about various zombie theories and protocols -- all of it. But especially zombie videogames, and ESPECIALLY Left 4 Dead. I bought the game when it came out in 2008 and never looked back. I played it when I was bored, I played when I was stressed out, I played when I was drunk (with disastrous results). And it's always been a game I come back to when I just want to shoot zombies and blow stuff up and save humanity. Then recently I got my dad hooked on playing it with me, my sister and her husband. Now it's a family affair.

     But lest you think it's just mindless violence, I wanted to show you some of the important life lessons I've learned from playing over the years. I was thinking about this the other day and, after posting a zombie-dealt life lesson on Facebook, I realized I wanted to share some other lessons I've learned.

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Things I'll Never Understand about Cats

     As you know from Monday's post, I recently acquired a new furry friend. We've been getting along swimmingly -- pretty sure I speak cat fluently already -- but there are some things that I'm just straight-up stymied by. For example...

I don't get this:

 

     And I don't get what it is about newly painted, highly smudge-able nails that says to kitty, "now is the time for snuggles."

 

     And I don't understand why if cats are nocturnal, I wake up to this every morning around 6 AM. Newsflash, kitty. This is the daytime. Shouldn't you be asleep?

    

Method.

     My obsession with Game of Thrones has grown recently. I started out watching the tv show, and now I've undertaken the monumental task of reading the books (seriously, they're massively detailed). But the thing of it is, I can't just read a book. If I'm gonna read, I'm gonna READ. I'm talking staying up late every night, time slipping away as I say to myself "Just one more chapter..." over and over again. 

    But that's not the worst of it. When I'm spending so much time reading a series, and even more time thinking about it during the rest of my waking hours, things can start to get...intense. The book starts to bleed out into real life, until I see it everywhere and the line between this world and the fictional one start to blur. I'm like a method actor, completely immersing myself in the story and the characters. Only I'm a method...reader. Which leads to awkward moments like this...

Or like this...

Or even this.

Um....it's pretty bad. 

Don't say the zed word.

     I've been feeling a bit under the weather these past few days. It's like my normal Spongebob Squarepants energy levels have suddenly fallen to Patrick Star lows, and I want to hibernate under a rock for a few days. And I guess it shows, because yesterday two different people told me I looked like a zombie (neither of whom I will ever be speaking to again. Just kidding, it's not your fault I look like death personified. It's a style, I can work with it). Which got me thinking about how I'd probably be the most annoying zombie ever, always trying to improve the recipe for brains, and all the other zombies would roll their eyes at me. And then have to go chasing after them when they rolled down the street. Which would serve them right for being rude.