Welcome to the premier episode of: JACKI IS AN IMPULSE SHOPPER

     Let me first start with the disclaimer that I'm usually pretty damn good at talking myself out of buying things, on account of being a hyper-anxious weirdo who likes to hoard her money like a dragon. But every now and then I have days where I figure, "Hey, let's go with the gut this time." Treat yo self days, if you will. And you will, because you should and I said so. Yesterday was one such day. I don't know what it was, Supermoon maybe? But I just kept finding things that I realized I needed to own. Like: 

     This was in the $1 section at Target. I guess for Halloween, but if you think this is a seasonal item for me you clearly don't know me at all. It lives on my bedroom door. 

In fairness, I was going to take these pictures using my actual camera instead of my phone, but the battery was dead. So the pictures are the worst, and so am Iiiiiiiiiiiiii (please read that as if I'm falling off a cliff, cartoon-style. It's only right). 

     Confession: I have absolutely no plans for these. I don't have anywhere to put them. I have just been looking at them every time I go through a Target (and ol' girl is in Target a LOT) and saying "ugh, these are so pretty! Look how shiny!" to no one in particular. So when I found them on clearance for $7 I kind of felt like I'd ultimately regret NOT buying them. Like come on. They're shiny and pretty, they'll find a use eventually. Cut to me, age 76, applying gold feather decals to the walls of my nursing home room, croaking "Seven dollars well spent!" 

     FILTHY VIKING. I'm sorry, but you can't just name a good-smelling thing after Vikings and expect me to not buy it. I've actually never smelled this before, I just happened upon the comments section of an article on forest-y fragrances and someone had recommended it, then before I knew it I was buying it. It was only fifteen dollars though, so even if "bracing Norwegian juniper, frigid Icelandic mint, and the hardy wood of a longship" ends up smelling more like Pine-sol and Altoids, at least I won't feel like I invested my life savings in Enron (is that even a reference the kids today will get? I AM LE OLD. By which I mean I was 11 when that happened and was apparently really into current events because I totally remember that shit).

     So I guess the moral of the story here is really to let loose and treat yo self sometimes. Especially if your idea of treating yourself is spending 23 dollars. YOLO and such. 

Friday Favorites: Five Senses Edition!

FAVORITE SIGHT: LOOKET THESE GREMLINS IN THE WAGON OF MY YOOOUTH

     This cracks me up, not least because of how it compares to this picture of me and Amanda when we were wee tykes. 

     Right? The mischievous goblin-face, it's apparently a family trait. 

FAVORITE SOUND: THE BOB'S BURGERS INTRO SONG

     Yep, that's a thing that's happening now. I remember when this show first aired I thought the ads for it looked incredibly stupid. But people kept telling me I would like it, so I did and here we are. I relate strongly to Louise, the somewhat psychotic youngest child, because of course I do. So yeah, it's kind of a cheat to slip in a favorite tv show under the heading of "sound," but I do walk around humming the theme song a lot, so it sort of counts. Just roll with it man, be cool for once!

FAVORITE SMELL: MIIIGHT HAVE TO BUY THIS PERFUME SOME DAY

     This was just one of the little stink-good pamphlets that falls out of every magazine on Earth, but for some reason I decided to smell it instead of chucking it immediately as per usual, and I'm really glad I did. It smells like a fancy grown-up lady with her shit together walking through a park in fall. Or something. I dunno, it's kind of cozy but also sweet? I just like it a lot. I'm thinking of getting the little rollerball size of it to wear in the cooler months.

FAVORITE FEEL: THE DRESS SO NICE I BOUGHT IT TWICE

     I liked this dress from Kohl's so much I bought it in black and white. Part of the reason for that is it's surprisingly soft and floaty. The other part is that it was on clearance for like NINE DOLLARS. That's ridiculous. I couldn't afford NOT to buy it in two colors. White for when I want to look like I'm going to a very casual hippie wedding, black for when I want to look like a sassy cool witch who's a big deal on Tumblr. 

FAVORITE TASTE: TRY NOT TO BE TOO SHOCKED BUT IMMA CHEAT AGAIN HERE AND PICK AN APP AS A TASTE

     Hear me out though. My favorite taste-related app is the Chipotle mobile ordering app. I downloaded it when it first became available for Android an absolute age ago, and it was so horrible and unusable that I ended up deleting it and just waiting in line for my burrito bowl like all the other plebes. But on a lark the other day I re-downloaded it and THANK GOD it is so much better now. It's much more streamlined and intuitive, so it's really easy to put in everyone's order, name them so you can save them for later, pay online, and just bust up in there half an hour later and skip the line to pick up your food like you're Oprah. Or Oprah's assistant, let's be honest. 

Shopping fail.

     While I was at the beach I only got one thing from the souvenir-type shops (did I mention I went and came back already? I did. All of last week's posts were pre-written. Bwahaha, so stealth). This pair of super cool earrings. They have a little doodad that attaches in the back, behind the ear but in front of the earring back, and holds the little shell, sea turtle, and starfish below the earlobe. They're super cool. 

Went ahead and selectively focused this for you so you wouldn't have to see all the little veins and get totally freaked out about ears like I did. You're welcome. 

     And I felt like they were pretty reasonably priced, too! I mean, ten bucks for a cool pair of earrings is totally fair. 

     But then when I pulled the sticker off, wondering what the sticker underneath the sticker was all about...

     Boooo. I mean, I get that they had to mark it up a little so they'd make a profit, but I feel like they could have done a better job hiding that from me. So in the end I guess this isn't really a shopping fail so much as a selling fail. Yay, blame-shifting! 

"I don't want to LOSE money by not buying this..."

     Just a little doodle for you on this fine Friday because honestly my brain keeps flying faaaar away (specifically to the beach I'll be at in a few weeks. My brain is taking an early vacation, I guess). 

MONDAY Favorites: GIF Edition!

     Since I was too sick to put together a coherent Favorites post on Friday, I figured I'd do something a little special and different and make today Monday's Favorites, now with 100% more GIF-y goodness!

FAVORITE #1: LOOKET THESE EARRINGS! 

Should I have put a seizure warning on this post? I mean I warned you there'd be gifs, right? 

     These gawgeous thangs were made by my amazingly talented Aunt Patti (you can go check out her Etsy shop HERE- right now everything is 20% off and the proceeds from any purchase you make go to Miracle Horse Rescue, which is a great charity that helps horses that have been abused or neglected. Tell me that's not a win-win!). I saw them posted on her Facebook page and immediately said "Oooh, those are cool. They would look pretty on my head." And they do! I love a happy ending, don't you? They fit perfectly with my whole "hippie archaeologist by day, benevolent but still kind of spooky witch by night" aesthetic, and they also happen to be the same kind of blue-y green-y gray-y color of my eyes in sunlight, which is exactly the kind of super-cliched character detail I'd have made fun of in my college writing courses, so yay nostalgia! 

FAVORITE #2: I'VE BEEN EATING THIS STUFF LIKE CANDY, IN THE MOST LITERAL WAY POSSIBLE.

Mmm, snake-oil -- I mean Vitamin C....

     By which I mean "sporadically, whenever I see the bottle sitting around and think "Oh, I could go for something sour." You know me and my immune system are not seeing eye to eye right now, on account of it being a good-for-nothing layabout and all, so I decided I'd try this stuff and see if the "blast of vitamin C" makes me feel any healthier. All I've noticed so far is more like a blast of powdered citric acid, but I'm cool with it. They're kind of like giant soft Sweet-tarts, except ostensibly less horrible for you. I don't know if I believe it will make me any less likely to get sick, but the placebo effect kind of brings back that teenager-like feeling of invincibility, like I couldn't possibly get sick, ever ever again, so I'm all for it. 

FAVORITE #3: THINGS TO PAINT ON MY FACE! 

Skin is so weird looking up close. Especially when you're the color of the mooooon. 

     When I found myself at Ulta again the other day (found myself there. As if I have no idea how I got there. I just woke up from a fugue state in the middle of Ulta. Yes, that's it exactly), I picked up two liquid eyeliners from Jane cosmetics. I already had the gold one, which is amazing, and I needed a new black liquid eyeliner because the 20 I already owned were all drying out. But it was 2 for $10, and they're normally $8, so I had to get two, and the second one I picked was this one, called "metallic nude." It. Is. So. SHINY. This was actually what gave me the idea to do a GIF post, because a static picture alone just was not doing justice to the shininess. I also like these eyeliners because they have an actual brush tip, not a felt tip. I know a lot of people like the felt tip because it's easier to work with, but I don't like that they dry out, and also I kind of like how a tiny little paint brush makes me feel like Mulan in the Disney movie when I use it.

     Here's what the black eyeliner looks like, in case you are interested in the nuances of black eyeliner (I mean, I am, but I'm interested in almost everything). It dries matte, so it has a 60's velvety feel to it. I also have the metallic nude on my inner corners. 

Do you like how I just told you I have blue-green-gray eyes and very pale skin, then closed with a gif where I look tan with almost brown eyes? Sorceryyyyyy!

     I don't find it hard to work with either. I mean it's not a beginner's eyeliner, for sure, but it's not so runny that it gets in your eyes and makes you look like a tiny squid swam across your sclera. Too far, people who are weird about eyeballs? Sorry. 

     
     I hope this GIF-tacular post makes up for the fact that it's on the wrong day, and I also hope you all had delightful weekends full of all your own favorites! 

Friday Favorites: I stink so goooood Edition!

FAVORITE VIDEOGAME: LEGO THE HOBBIT!

     First, a confession: I haven't seen either of the Hobbit movies, and I never finished reading the book. I got about halfway through it and then lost interest because the writing style was...somehow not as magical and descriptive as I had expected it to be? I dunno. Also there's no girl characters, and I ain't about that life. But I do plan to see the movies someday, in the same way that I plan to have a cool little cottage in the woods where I can grow flowers and cooking herbs and let the local children think I'm a witch, by which I mean I have taken no action to make this plan a reality beyond thinking "yeah, someday." But whatever. You know I love me some Lego games. They're super therapeutic because they're not particularly challenging and you get to run around smashing stuff all willy-nilly and collecting shiny things, which is basically all I ask for in a pastime. 

FAVORITE CONSUMABLE: DISCOUNT EASTER CANDY!

     Having bulk quantities of candy around the house after any holiday whose traditions dictate the exchange of sweets is one of those little things that make me proud to be an American. Oh, what's that other countries, you think we're fat and stupid? Well this stupid fatty just got like ten pounds of Cadbury mini-eggs for a nickel, who's stupid now? 

FAVORITE ONLINE PURCHASE: I'M A SEA GODDESS, IT SAYS SO RIGHT HERE

     I ordered a set of five choose-your-own perfume samples from this Etsy shop called Alkemia last week. Most of them were a bit of a let-down for me, and I'm not sure if it's because I just have crap taste and picked samples of things that I don't actually like, or maybe I was smelling the carrier oils in the samples or WHAT, but 3 out of 5 of them had a note of...bathroominess? To them? I'm doing that upward inflection because I have zero confidence in my abilities to describe scents. I've gotten many a strange look when trying to explain to someone that I don't like a particular popular perfume because it smells "newsprint-y" to me, in a way that reminds me of my dad fanning me with a newspaper while I had a bloody nose in the lobby of the church we went to when I was a kid, and I'm allergic to newsprint, so the paper made me sneeze and it was a mess. So...bad vibes, is what I'm saying, I guess. What?

      Anyway, back to the good perfume. The one I did really like was called Sea Goddess. The website says it has a bunch of fancy things like "saline aquatics" and junk in it, but to me it just smells like a beachy floral, but not old-lady floral at all (not that that's bad, I have a hand lotion that smells like Social Security in a bottle and I don't even care, I put it on every night). It's not going to be my forever-and-ever signature scent or anything, but it was only twelve dollars and it's definitely going to be my "this summer" signature scent, so that's an accomplishment. And they sent two new samples with my order, one of which still had the icky smell I don't like, but the other was really interesting. It's called "Mist Becoming Rain," I believe, and I immediately gave it to my mom because it smells like her interests: fresh and outdoorsy, kind of like you just watered the garden where you grow your arugula (it has kind of a peppery smell, I didn't just pick arugula out of thin air).

SURPRISE FAVORITE: I WENT INTO A TRADER JOE'S AND DIDN'T RAGE-TWITCH AN EYEBALL OUT!

     It's not that I have anything against Trader Joe's as a corporation or anything, my prejudice is based entirely on the fact that their parking lot is like the nexus of all assholery. It is a spawn point of assholes. Every time you've ever been cut off in traffic or tailgated, it's someone on their way to or from a Trader Joe's. They are born in the Trader Joe's parking lot, they go out into the world to spread misery and strife, then they come back to Trader Joe's at the end of their long lives of hooliganery to die. This is known. The one near me is located in an itsy little shopping center next to Ulta, and every time I have ever had the misfortune of finding myself at Ulta on a weekend, the ENTIRE parking lot for the WHOLE shopping center is taken up by all of Trader Joe's rudest minions. I can tell that's where they're going because they'll take the front spot at Ulta, then get their reusable sustainably sourced shopping bags and their aluminum water bottles full of spring water charged with "healing positive ions" out of the trunks of their Prius's and start hiking across the lot. All this I could forgive. I understand sometimes a store ends up in a shopping center whose parking lot just can't keep up with demand. But they are the single rudest identifiable subset of drivers I have ever had the misfortune to observe. They steal spots from people, don't observe any sort of common courtesy at multi-way stops, don't yield to pedestrians, honk at me if I yield to a pedestrian in front of them because how DARE I put ten more seconds between them and artisan-shelled fair-trade pistachios! Basically they suck. 

     BUT. The other day I realized I was running out of jojoba oil, which I use as moisturizer because I have idiotically sensitive skin and if I put normal-person moisturizer on my face-suit I basically become Professor Quirrell, clutching at my burning face screaming "What is this magic?!?" I usually order it online but somehow I had approximately none left, and it takes a while to get here. So I googled, and Trader Joe's seemed to be the only place I could buy it that day. Thus I ventured in. 

     I did end up actually getting it, but the surprise favorites were the two other things I found once I had braved the dreaded parking lot (which is kind of a pun, because they did have a white guy with "dreads" working there). The coconut body butter I bought because it looked like it would smell delightful (I have great purchase-justifying skills), and because there was an old guy who picked up two tubs of it as I was perusing and I thought "hey, he doesn't look too dry and crackly, it must work!" (told you). Then I picked up the "espresso pillows" waiting in line, because the fact that they call them "espresso pillows" cracked me up with how high on the pretentious scale that hits. You couldn't just call them espresso bits, or pieces or something? There's not even anything particularly pillowy about them, they're crunchy for God's sake. I dunno man. It's a weird place. 

     POINT BEING (I'm so sorry I just wrote three paragraphs about Trader Joe's, I just have a lot of feelings. About everything, apparently), the espresso ~*~pillows~*~ are tasty and the body butter is straight-up delightful. That is all. 

BONUS FAVORITE: THIS PICTURE FROM MY PHONE WHICH SHALL SLAY THE MASSES WITH ITS ADORABLENESS

     I don't even have anything to say about this, I'll just leave it here without comment to counteract the Homeric Saga I wrote above. 

Friday Footnote (Oh my God this pun): My feet are made of disco!

Just a quick note for you on this lovely Friday: LOOK HOW SHINY MY SHOES ARE. 

And also how blindingly white my feet are. I am the moon.

     I stayed home while my mom and Amanda went out shopping yesterday because I was feeling kind of "blerghhhh," like I wanted to stay home and run around my Animal Crossing town scaring away all the fish that the villagers I don't like are trying to catch (I'm real dangerous when I'm in a mood) and when they came home they had bought these spaaaarkly Keds for me. They found them at Kohls on super duper clearance and felt like I needed them in my life, because obviously. And it did cheer me up a good deal. It's hard to be cranky when your feet are this spangly. 

A Fun Fact About Me...

     ...I am never, ever content. Well, when it comes to my decor, anyway. I always have to be adding, changing, rearranging something. I don't know why. I'd blame it on astrology but I'm a Cancer, the crab, and all that says about me is that I'm a sensitive recluse (accurate) who tastes delicious in butter (?). Anyway, so remember how juuuust the other day I talked about switching out my bedding? Yeah, I bought another new set.

     See, it turns out I really missed my old sheets, but I couldn't just put them back on because they were legitimately overdue for replacement -- just too worn and dingy to carry on. I had kind of taken them for granted until I bought the microfiber ones, which were soft, but not oh-my-god-I-will-rub-my-feet-on-this-for-ten-minutes-before-going-to-sleep-each-night soft. 

     The other thing that was driving me nuts was that since the microfiber fitted sheet didn't have elastic all the way around, it came off CONSTANTLY. I have a stupidly deep mattress (because I insist on keeping a 3-inch memory foam topper on it -- no regrets, it's amazing), so maybe on a normal sized mattress it would be fine, but with all the tossing and turning I do when I'm having a random night terror about neon pink and yellow scarabs crawling up the wall (I don't know man, I don't even know) it popped off every single night and bunched up everywhere. 

     So I bought a set of the kind I used to have, in a pretty blue color. These sheets are elasticized all the way around, and they're also a lot stretchier, so the annoying bunching problem is solved. 

     And I know you can't tell from looking at them, because they just look like any old sheets, but HOLY FREAKING GOD THEY ARE SO SOFT. And I don't bestow that caps-lock-iness lightly, because I have the sensitive skin of a Victorian noblewoman and I'm really persnickety about my tactile sensations. I'm that person that goes through stores touching every single pillow and blanket and sweater and either "ooooh!"ing or recoiling in horror. Fear me, germophobes, for I have touched textiles all up and down the eastern seaboard. I'm really good about washing my hands though, so there's that. 

     Um. Right, back to the point! These sheets that I'm so in love with are the Pure Beech Jersey Knit Sheets. I got mine from Bed Bath & Beyond, where queen size in light blue ran $69.99 at first, but came down to around $55 with a coupon. That's pretty spendy for me, but I haven't even had the slightest anxiety about spending money on these, because getting into bed every night since I got them has been a serious treat, and I wake up in the morning feeling like a freaking butterfly emerging out of my silky-ass cocoon. I wanted to give everyone a heads up  that I believe they are discontinuing a sort of artichoke green color and a deep pink grapefruit-y color, since they aren't listed on the website anymore and in store they had those colors marked down to $9.99! NINE NINETY NINE. Amanda bought a set of the dark pink ones just because she didn't want to lose money on that deal. Point being if either of those colors tickle your fancy and you want the nicest sheets your face could possibly drool on, go check out your BB&B and see if you can find them, cause that's a hell of a deal. 

     Actually, my searching their website for that link up there led me to discover they also have something called the "Ultimate Luxury" sheet set from the same brand, so that's probably the nicest sheets your face could possibly drool on, but they're considerably more expensive. Not gonna lie though, I actually winced and groaned aloud at the thought of how amazing they probably are. I think I might have a real problem with sheets. My Gatsby would just throw a bunch of breathable organic-fiber sheets around and I would sob and say "They're such beautiful sheets. It makes me sad because I've never seen such beautiful sheets." 

It's curtains for you, my pretty!

     I dunno, sometimes I like to indulge my inner weird-guy-with-a-curly-moustache-tying-someone-to-a-train-track. Whatevs. 

     But to get to my point, now that we've got the puns and wordplay portion of the day out of the way, I finally found new curtains! You may recall me whining about how I couldn't find any I liked anywhere on the whole internet. Well, I finally did! I ended up going with one of the first options I looked at: the Ikea Ritva curtains in white. They're a nice medium weight (so, thick enough to block a little cold, but thin enough to not block much light) with a faux-linen texture, and they came in a nice, super-long 96" option that only ran me about fifty dollars. Total. For both windows. Yeah, that's a bargain. I wanted extra long curtains so they could be hung extra high and be the height of the room. Home decorate-y types always say that makes your rooms look taller and grander, and damn if they weren't right. Granted, part of the effect comes from the curtains being white (vs. the dark blue I had before), which will obviously make the room feel more open than a dark color. But it makes quite a difference to the feel of the room; it feels bigger, more grand, and brighter. But enough blathering, let's look at pictures at different times of day because I was overly-enthusiastic and, as a result, perhaps a bit over-thorough!

     Here's the morning (complete with cat-butt) shot, where you can see what I mean about how these curtains still let in lots of light. 

     Here's a late-ish afternoon picture, mostly just because this is my favorite time of day to be in my room. It's all cozy-feeling and warmly lit and delightful and I like to take my naps this time of day. What, I'm secretly a granny, ok? 

     And here's just after sunset, when I think the tallifying effect of the longer curtains is most noticeable in person. 

     Regardless of time of day, I'm really happy with how a simple curtain-swap changed the whole feeling of the room. I seriously spent at least ten minutes the night they went up just staring at them and smiling to myself in satisfaction. Is that weird? Nah, right? It's fine. It'll be fine. 

I fail at online shopping.

I've been having a really hard time finding anything on my online shopping list lately. Most recently, I spent several hours looking for either a) new curtains or b) fabric to make new curtains, and couldn't come up with anything to my liking in either option. I looked at 3,872 different fabric prints (that's not an exaggeration, that's the actual number). And I still have no curtains. That's only the most recent in a string of failures. I just keep having moments where "I bet I could find it online" turns into someone finding me hunched over my laptop an hour later with a hollow look in my eyes. 

     Stop letting me down, internet. 

Friday Favorites: pink and cats and hobbits, oh my!

     Let me just say in advance: if you think this edition of my weekly favorites is too pink, just be glad I didn't buy the Hello Kitty clock that I saw on clearance at Target. Sadly, though my preferred aesthetic leans toward childlike whimsy, even I couldn't justify that one. But onwards, to the things that made me happy recently! 

PLANNING LIFE LIKE A GROWN-UP WHO HAS HER SHIT TOGETHER

     I got this most perfect little planner on earth so that I can try to better organize myself. I've got a lot more going on in this new year (more freelance jobs, more custom cakes to make), so I needed a way to make sure I wouldn't lose track of anything! This little guy is pretty much exactly what I wanted: it's pink and fun and different enough that it could belong to the girl who bakes your kid a birthday cake shaped like a pony, but still polished and professional-looking enough that it could belong to the girl who edits your research papers. It suits my multiple personalities! Yay! The inside even has polka dots sprinkled across the top of every page, so that kicks it up way into "did someone design this for me personally?!" territory. 

     STASHING THINGS INSIDE THIS FAT LITTLE CAT COOKIE JAR

     When I saw this at Target the first time, I told myself I was going to wait for it to go on sale, because I really have no need for a twenty dollar cookie jar shaped like a cat. But the next time I was there, I looked at it again and thought of how sad I'd be if it sold out before I got one, and I couldn't stand it. I just wanted it in my life, I don't know what else to tell you. So I had to buy it. I think I'm going to start writing down good things that happen to me and really nice compliments and stashing them on little cards in there so that at the end of this year I can look back and remember all the great stuff that's happened. Kind of cheesy, but sometimes I need a little help maintaining my optimism, and I think that will help. 

FINALLY READING THE HOBBIT SO I CAN BE INTO ALL THE NERDY THINGS IN THE WHOLE WORLD

     You may find it hard to believe, since I've already made clear that I like all the nerdy things, but I've never read the Hobbit or the Lord of the Rings trilogy. I had always wanted to, but I had this notion that the books were all insurmountably long for some reason. But one day I saw a box set of the Hobbit and the trilogy, and it looked totally do-able. Just four nice little moderate-sized paperbacks. So I went for it! I started reading the Hobbit about a week ago, just a chapter here and there before bed, and now I'm halfway through it. I was surprised at what an easy read it is, actually! I'm looking forward to finishing it so that I can see the movies without guilt, since I always like to read the book before seeing the movie. 

HONORARY KIND-OF-CHEATING FAVORITE: SNUGGLEPUP MCGEE HERE

     It's kind of cheating because Sophie is a favorite all the time, not just this week, but Amanda wanted me to include this picture she took, so I told her I would. Sophie was feeling snuggle-deficient that day, so I told her she could come up on my bed for some cuddles just this one time (she's normally not allowed on my bed) and she was just pleased as punch. And let's face it, so was I, because she is a delight to snuggle with. 

Look what I got in the maaail!

     Yeah, I couldn't even think of a pun or something for this post's title, I'm that excited. See, back on Black Friday I had ordered the 252 color eyeshadow palette from Coastal Scents for $12. Twelve dollars! For every color you could imagine! The downside was that since it was Black Friday, they had super high volumes of traffic, and warned that orders could take a while to process. Well, process it did (for about a week before it finally went through), but now it's finally here! Let's have a look. 

     First off, it comes in this nice little black case, which is decently weighty and feels nice to hold, like you have the power of the rainbow in your hands. 

     Then when you open it up, you get these colors...

     And, underneath that, all THESE colors...

     And underneath THAT, all THEEEESE colors! 

     So, essentially, every shade of every color of the rainbow, in both matte and shimmery finishes. I'm in heaven. I didn't even know where to start when I did my makeup this morning. I kind of just sat there staring at all the colors, imagining all the possibilities, for a good five minutes before I could make a decision. I ended up going with three tones of rusty red blended across my lids, just because how often do you see people wearing red eyeshadow? So I carpe'd the shit outta this diem and went for it. Here's how it turned out, in case you're curious. 

     If those pictures look slightly strange, it's because I snapped the pictures on my phone by a window, and I have apparently hit a point of paleness so severe that I actually glow blue in natural lighting. So I had to color correct them a smidge to take the worst of the edge off my unearthly corpse-like glow. Never say I'm not honest with you! 



     A note: this isn't an ad for Coastal Scents or anything, I was just really excited to get this and wanted to show you guys because I think it's fun. 

Favorite Things Friday!

     My favorite things this week were all superficial items, and I don't feel bad about it one bit. I know people say that money can't buy happiness, but I think those people are just spending their money wrong. I bought a few things this week that just made me feel better about life. Lemme show you: 

Look, I even laid it all out on a pretty backdrop for you! Blogger of the year, right here.

Let's go clockwise from the top right, because it feels like the right thing to do. 

     First I picked up this pretty gold headband. I was already in the market for a headband that's nicer than the grimy stretchy one I wear while I wash my face, and this one caught my eye because it felt very Game of Thrones to me somehow. Sidenote: I'm sort of obsessed with Game of Thrones. This week's episode was so amazing that I watched a lot of it with my "excited for vengeance" look on, which words can't even describe. It's something like this: 

     I think I'm going to download the books to my tablet so I can stay awake for a week straight reading them all enjoy them at a leisurely and totally sane pace. Hey, I guess not all of my happy things are material goods this week! I threw a bonus tv show in there! Woo, culture!

     The next happy-making thing I got is that bright, bright, BRIGHT pink cardigan underneath the headband. I just couldn't resist it's delightful neon charms. It's also a bit looser than a normal fitted sweater, so it's super comfy, and it's very lightweight, which means I can wear it into spring and summer (in the arctic-blast air conditioning in stores and restaurants, dontcha know). Plus it was on sale for more than half off its original price, which makes my cheap heart flutter. 

     Next up is a pair of reflective blue-green sunglasses from Target. I like to get a new pair of cheap sunglasses at the start of each summer. It gets me excited for the warmth and sunshine. I like these reflective ones because it means I can stare at people without them knowing (just kidding. No wait, I'm totally not. People-watching is the absolute best). 

     This next one's a big deal. Like a caps-lock worthy BIG DEAL. I got shorts! That's a milestone for me because I really, really hate shorts. I like the idea of them, but I have a really hard time finding a pair that looks good/makes me feel cute. But I can't just go all through summer wearing jeans; it would get rather toasty after a while. So the other day when I was in a good mood and my self-esteem levels were nice and high, I set out on a mission to find shorts. It was still a bit tough though. My mom and sister had to convince me to buy these. But now that I have them home and can try them on in my own closet under normal lighting conditions and with a mirror I trust, I like them a lot more. I firmly believe fitting room mirrors are portals to a poorly lit alternate dimension in which everyone looks as bad as they possibly could. It's a rough dimension to live in, but maybe they have like, world peace there or something to make up for it. Or maybe they look in the mirror and see THIS dimension's version of themselves/us and think "Hot damn, not half bad!" That just got really confusing really fast, so let's just move on. 

     Then we have my new brush, which I realize is probably incredibly dull for most people, but hear me out. It's called "the Wet Brush" (creative name, I know), and is specifically designed for brushing your hair when it's wet (whaaaat, you never would have guessed!). The reason this is so exciting is twofold: first because I have a stupid amount of really tangly hair that I can only brush when it's wet because you can't brush curly hair, and this makes it a bajillion times easier to keep passing birds from eyeing my hair and thinking "I could raise a few kids there." And second because I tried SO DAMN HARD to find this stinkin' brush online, and lots of places have it, but with shipping costs that outweigh the cost of the brush itself. I finally found it in a Sally's and happily snatched it up. 

     Movin' on, I then got a shiny, sparkly, confetti confection of a shirt that also manages to feel like I'm walking around in my (very fancy) jim-jams. Double win! As you can see, those stars manage to be surprisingly sparkly for a screen-print. They catch the light as well as sequins, but without the itchy scrape-y feeling sequins bring with them. This was the last one in the store, and it's an extra large, but that worked out surprisingly well because it's really loose and flowy and so, so comfortable. A+, shirt, you done good!

     Next up is another somewhat Big Deal item: a swimsuit! I know almost everyone hates shopping for swimsuits, but I got this one on the same day as the shorts, so it wasn't actually that bad by comparison. I'm a total weirdo, in a lot of ways we don't need to talk about right now, but specifically in that I find bathing suit shopping way easier than shorts shopping. You'd think the more potential for exposed jiggle, the more potential for plummeting self-esteem, but not for me. That's not to say throwing on a bikini is always a delight, it's just that I think shorts were designed by a malevolent deity specifically to bring hardship, misery, and woe to my days. Anyway, this swimsuit caught my attention because the super retro style reminds me of the one-piece number that old-school Barbie used to rock, which I have always loved. And it's got all of my favorite things: black and white, bows, polka dots, and ruffles! The only way it could have been more "me" is if it came with a free teacup pig that could oink my name. 

     And last but not least, my new phone case. My old one (the one that looked like the TARDIS) somehow got a chip cracked out of it and left a sharp edge that caught on everything. After looking at cases for hours and hours, I finally decided to just go with something cute and simple. Purple bunny ears! I don't know why, but it just called to me. It said to me "You need me in your life!" and my phone said "Yeah, I'm a phone, why WOULDN'T I have bunny ears? It makes perfect sense!" and I said "If inanimate objects are starting to talk to me I should probably stop staring at the computer screen for a little while because my brain must be frying," so I went ahead and ordered it and walked away. 

     PHEW. Who would have thought I had over 1000 words to say about a bunch of clothes and bits and bobs? Wait, that's not even a rhetorical question, the answer is "anyone who knows anything about me." 

Things that made me happy this week!

     1.  My first ever attempt at making French macarons, which are notoriously tricky to perfect. They tasted good but were crazy messy. That's ok. In my book, tasty comes first, pretty comes second. I'm thinking of making them again soon with a few changes to my recipe that should improve the end result a fair amount.

Maybe not as nice-looking as the ones in pretty food magazines, but not half bad for a first attempt, either.

      2.  My new blanket from Target.  It's a material they're calling "micromink," which I'm calling "OHMYGLOBSOSOFT." Amanda bought one first, and when I was curled up in a ball on the couch willing myself not to vomit (fun week!) she came by and draped her new blanket over me in a somewhat rare moment of sweetness. It was so soft and cozy and generally delightful that I went out and got one for myself as soon as I was feeling better. As an added bonus, it really helps contribute to the whole "Pottery Barn catalog" aesthetic (you know, fluffy to the point where you might actually have a hard time getting into it) I strive for in my bedroom; basically I want my bed to be so cloud-like and soft and enticing that even someone with a whacked out/non-existent sleep instinct like mine will look at it and get sleepy.

The fact that the shades are uneven is going to drive my mom batty. Sorry mom!

      3.  Getting a paint color picked out for the nursery. One less thing for my sister to stress about, and I'm just plain excited to see how it looks. We picked a very pale, silvery-blue metallic that we (I say we, but obviously she's not allowed near all the fume-y paint -- my Mom and I are going to paint it over the weekend) plan to do a color wash of over the same tone, but in a semi-gloss. It sounds confusing, but after having the process explained (and the paint cans labeled for dum-dums) by the super-helpful paint guy at Lowe's, I feel pretty confident that it will end up looking swirly and soothing and pretty. 

A teaser of paint samples. None of these are the one we actually ended up picking, though. Like I'd just give away the surprise like that!

     4.  New boots!  I finally broke down and replaced my favorite pair of boots, which were unfortunately rather cheaply made and falling to pieces after two years of heavy wear. To be fair, I'm also unusually hard on my shoes somehow; I once had a pair of Keds fall apart after less than 2 months of wear, and I wasn't exactly mountain-climbing in them. I guess it's just the way I stomp around like Godzilla destroying the city all the time. So I decided that I should bite the bullet and replace the boots with a high-quality pair that I won't destroy within weeks. I'm generally pretty frugal, so it's hard for me to justify spending a lot on something, but when it truly is an investment piece that will last for a decade, I think it's worth it. Otherwise I'd just rack up the same expense over that time period buying pair after pair of cheap, poorly made shoes. And now that I have the boots in my hands (and on my feet), I can tell they're going to be worth it. The materials and construction are so much nicer, and they're incredibly comfortable straight out of the box -- no breaking in required. Also, LOOK AT THEM. THEY ARE AMAZING. 

Do you know how difficult it is to take a decent picture of your own feet? Surprisingly so.

     5.  Lego Lord of the Rings. Legos! Lord of the Rings! GIMLI! I respect everyone's right to have a favorite character, but if yours isn't Gimli then you're wrong and we can't be friends. Just kidding, Gandalf is an acceptable favorite too. This game is really fun, first because the Lego videogames are legitimately fantastic. Seriously, if you think they're for kids and you won't like them, give them a shot anyway. You get to run around smashing everything in sight and snatching up money, like King Kong the day rent's due. Second, the Lego games have a great sense of humor to them. It's easy to make the Lego cut-scenes funny in something comparatively light-hearted like Indiana Jones, but even in a serious story like Lord of the Rings, they manage to make me laugh out loud even as Isildor is refusing to cast the ring into the fires of Mt. Doom. And I mean literally laugh out loud, not a text message "lol" where you really mean "smile and snort a quick woosh of air out your nose." Finally, they're fun because it's an opportunity to quote all the best parts of the movie, or if you're a weirdo like me, to pretend you're Legolas and identify every single thing around you in a worried tone like no one else noticed when they totally did, LEGOLAS, they all have eyes and ears even if they're not pointy. Ahem. Anyway, it's fun. 

All of my pictures look like they were taken in the dark of deep space because I have the nerves of a chihuahua and can't hold my hands still long enough to get a clear photo without the flash. Now you knoooow.

Those are five little things that made me happy this week. If you feel like leaving a comment telling me what put a smile on your face recently, that would be thing #6 on my list!

Glow-in-the-Dark Everything

     There are two main reasons I love glow in the dark stuff: It makes me easier to find if I wander off in the dark, and it's cool as hell. Well, it can be cool. Glow in the dark stuff kind of gets a bad rap sometimes as being the cheapo gimmick of t-shirts that come out of a cannon. I'm a fan of any kind of glow in the dark, but I get why some people think it's less-than-classy. 

Pictured: My kickass glow-in-the-dark Ghostbusters t-shirt. Not Pictured: class, sophistication, dignity, regret.

     But you can shine on, you crazy diamond, and keep it classy at the same time. Promise! Here are two of my favorite glowies that look just as pretty in the harsh glare of daylight. 

     First up, we have this necklace that my mom got me as a birthday present. It's from Etsy (link here), and I wear it most days (almost all the days that I bother getting dressed, at least). Here's what it looks like in the light:

And here's what it looks like when the lights are out.

     I believe the words you're looking for are "DAMN, SON." Because that is gorgeous. It charges really well just from wearing it out and about in the sunlight, if that's a thing that you do, and the blue is unusual enough that even seasoned ravers will be impressed with the glow on this one. 

     Next up is my latest acquisition: a glow in the dark Troll bead! It's called "Inner Glow" because the company is run by Danish hippies and they can't resist that sort of thing. In case you're curious (maybe you got here by googling Troll Beads and going far, far into the seedy underbelly of the search results, I don't know your life), the names of the beads in the picture below are, from left to right, Dichroic Ice, Dark Leopard (I think?), Inner Glow, Milky Way, Silver Mountain, and Earth. Anyway, here's what it looks like during the day (third from the left, remember):

And when the darkness is all-consuming:

     Preeeettyyyy! Troll beads are a pretty classy deal to begin with, all "handcrafted" this and "artisan designed" that, but if you're a person that knows how to practice restraint (teach me your ways!) you could just wear the glow in the dark bead by itself with spacers holding it in place for a minimalist look. I am a maximalist (shut UP spellcheck, I do what I want!), so I wear the beads I've collected over time all at once. 

     The third, uncredited glow-in-the-dark item in this post is my pasty white Casper skin in the first picture. I'd like to blame it on winter, but let's be real, this is pretty much a year round thing. I'm the reason white people are called white instead of light beige. I'm available for hire to stand in your photos so it's super easy to white balance them. And other such pale jokes.