There's a party in my tummy!

     (So yummy. So yummy.) Ok, if you didn't go youtube Yo Gabba Gabba like I told you to on Friday then that will have made no sense to you, but you're here, so things making no sense is probably nothing new to you. So the plan for the kids' birthday party cake got changed a bit along the way. Namely, the idea to do Brobee's whole body was scrapped when I realized I wouldn't be able to fit his arms and legs on the slab of cardboard I was using to transport the cake unless I seriously wonked up the proportions. Since I didn't want to do that, I decided to just do a headshot instead! Here's some pictures of how it turned out (if you're wondering why the pictures in this post look five hundred times better than normal, it's because my very talented friend Stephen took them -- that link goes to his photography site, in case you're interested -- and he's profesh as hell).

     As far as the smash cakes go...

     I'd say they were a pretty big hit with the kids. 

Let's talk about cake!

     And for once I'm not just using that as a generic conversation starter (though it's a great one. Everyone has thoughts about cake). See, the twins are having their first birthday party on Sunday, and I have been tasked with making cakes. Yes, cakes, plural. In addition to the main cake for all the guests, there will be two little smash cakes for the kids to get into. It'll be their first time having something so sugary, so God help us all. Those will just be little white cake, white buttercream cakes, so they don't get colored icing all over everything under the sun and stain themselves rainbow. But the main cake will suit the theme: Yo Gabba Gabba! 

     If you haven't ever seen Yo Gabba Gabba, you should probably go Youtube it. The first time you watch it feels like an acid trip that you're not quite sure is going entirely well, but after that it's actually pretty tolerable as far as children's shows go. They always have guest stars that are actually interesting to grown-ups (Weird Al, MGMT, Biz Markie, Andy Samberg, to name a few), so it's a little less mind-numbing than some other kids' programming. Anyway, for the party I'm planning on making a Brobee cake, since the kids seem to have a particular fondness for him. Not that I blame them, he's fuzzy and striped, doesn't let the world shame his unibrow, and eats all the time. We could hang.  

     So here's how it'll go down: 

     Hopefully it'll look better than this hastily drawn sketchamaroo that I just threw together for illustrative purposes. But you get the idea, yeah? I'm excited to see how this one turns out, so be sure to come back Monday for a look at it! 

This cake looks like shit.

     No literally. Because Amanda asked me to make a cake for her coworker/friend that looks like the smiling poop emoji. This is my life. These are my choices.

Normally I'd try to set up a nice shot with some natural lighting, but I mean. Come on. It's a poo cake. It's not gonna look any better or more appetizing on the credenza in the front room than smiling in the fridge. 

     Honestly, I'm kind of at a loss as to what else to say here. It's made of chocolate cake with chocolate buttercream frosting? The eyes and mouth are white chocolate? WHAT DO YOU EVEN SAY ABOUT A THING THAT IS THIS.

Yellowcake Uranium.

     Cool, now that I'm moving up on a couple government watchlists, let me show you the cake I made for my brother-in-law's birthday over the weekend, which is like the real-life word puzzle version of that title. 

     For it is a cake. That is yellow. And radioactive. Well, not really. But then everything is a little radioactive. Anyway, I whipped this baby up real quicklike by frosting my usual white cake with yellow cream cheese frosting, then using a stencil to add the symbol for radioactivity on top with black sprinkles. It got a little outside the edges, but hey, maybe it's disintegrating in the midst of a nuclear meltdown. Who knows. Run with the theme. Oh, and I guess it's not entirely just my regular white cake, because obviously I had to make it nuclear-waste green on the inside. It just felt right. 

Evie is making that forlorn face because she BADLY wanted some. Like, crawled across the table with her tongue hanging out wanted some. 

     I'm kind of hoping we'll all develop radiation-induced superpowers, but failing that, at least it was super delicious. 

Painted Puppy Cake!

     Now for the second of those custom cake orders I mentioned on Monday: the Painted Puppy Cake! This one was for a little girl's birthday party at a pottery painting place. She wanted a fluffy white puppy, with rainbow layers and a bow. Beyond that, Amanda had the idea to make paint splotches on the pup, like it had gotten into the paint at the party location. I loved the idea, so I ran with it! 

     If you're thinking "Hey, that reminds me of the Kitty cake you did recently!" that's because the birthday girl was there when that cake was presented, and decided she wanted one like it, but a dog instead of a cat. So I went for the same general style (piped white "fluffy" looking frosting all over, cute cartoony eyes), just with some more canine features. The white is my usual favorite buttercream recipe, and the eyes, nose, bow, brush, and paint splotches are all shaped from hand-made fondant. The inside was made of five different colored layers: pink, purple, green, teal, and yellow. I'd show you a picture, but obviously I couldn't slice into it to snap a photo! 

     This one was so fun to make -- with the rainbow layers inside and the splashes of color on top, it was the cake-making equivalent of getting to use all the crayons in the box! 

Thomas the...Cake?

     Today I shall share with you the first of two custom cakes I made recently. I actually had two orders due on the same day, so it was a baking marathon. Many eggs were slain that day, and much food coloring was spilt upon the land. Anyway, this first one was for a first birthday party, and the request was "Thomas the Tank." (Sidenote: is it Thomas the Tank or Thomas the Train? I always thought train, but google says tank, so I guess I'm just stupid? Whatever, it's not like that's technically wrong, he is a train.) 

     This guy is the main reason I was practicing my fondant coloring skills last weekend; I wanted to make sure I'd be able to get that blue just right. The inside is the white cake that I always recommend for large groups, because it's super delicious and hard not to like.  Then I frosted it with white buttercream and piped on red and yellow accents around the top and bottom edges to play off of the red and yellow fondant in the...lights? and...bottom train-y part? I dunno, I never got into trains. The decorations on the top are entirely  made-from-scratch fondant, except the tiniest bit of black icing piped on for some definition in a few places. I just pieced it together in sections, using a picture for reference. 

     This one was a lot of work (any time there's multiple colors of fondant involved, it's gonna be a long day -- so much kneading! -- but it's good for the arms, so I ain't mad), especially because I was working on a second cake that same day (so lots of "bake this, cool it while that bakes, crumb-coat this, chill it while you crumb-coat that" back and forth) but I'm really pleased with how it turned out and, more importantly, the client was super happy with it! It makes me so happy to think that I contributed in some small way to people making happy memories.

I'm not overly...fond...of fondant. Ba-dum-chhhh.

     Since I've got a few custom cake orders coming up that are going to involve a fair amount of fondant-ing, I thought I'd get some practice in this weekend with making marshmallow fondant from scratch (rather than buying it pre-made, which I've done when I only needed one color) and coloring it myself. I wanted to do a test run for a few particular colors because I have very specific hues in mind, so I figured if I tried them out ahead of time I could get the color ratios right ahead of time so I wouldn't have to experiment and end up with weird gray slabs of sugary ick when it's go time for the real cakes. Let's see how it turned out! 

     First thing's first: I melted about 4 cups of marshmallows with two tablespoons of water in the microwave. This part's fun, because it's like you're exploding Mr. Staypuft. I mean, hopefully not actually exploding, the marshmallows should just puff up and then melt together into sweet sugary goo. 

     Then I added 4 cups of powdered sugar, one cup at a time, and stirred it up until I couldn't stir no' mo'. Once I had a big sugary sticky mess that I couldn't do a damn thing with, I dumped it out onto a cutting board and kept kneading until I'd incorporated all the sugar. It took a while, but eventually I just looked down at it and said "Holy crap, that's beautiful!" 

     Then comes the fun-but-also-a-little-miserable part: adding color. It's fun in that it's cool to see the colors develop as you knead; they come through in streaks so the fondant gets kind of marbled before it gets fully colored. It just takes a LOT of kneading. I mean a lot. So this was the part where I always think that fondant is kind of a bitch. 

     That one ended up being black; you can see the coloring folded into the inside at the top left of the...glob? What's a nicer-sounding word for glob? I dunno, you think of one and pretend I wrote that. 

     Here's the colors I ended up with, including the finished black fondant on the right.  

     I don't know why I didn't think to take this picture before I wrapped them up in plastic wrap, but here we are. No regrets. Ok, some, but minimal. Minimal regrets! Anyway, you can see that the black actually turned out delightfully dark, which pleasantly surprised me. I wrapped them up and vacuum sealed them, since I have no real use for them but didn't want to throw all my hard work away, but who knows if they'll even keep overnight. It's all just practice anyway, so I'm not too worried. And in case you were wondering, they did turn out tasting much better than the store-bought pre-made stuff! Taste is my highest priority when I make cakes (obviously I want it to look amazing, too, but if it looks amazing and tastes weird, what was the point?), so I'm quite pleased! 

Hello Cake-Kitty!

     This weekend I was commissioned to make a special birthday cake -- one that was not only shaped like a kitty face, but had a surprise inside. Because I like to do things all backwards and nutsy, let's start with the surprise inside: what looks like your average everyday cake is a rainbow explosion inside! 

     I placed the sides opposite one another when I layered them so when it gets cut open it will be a color explosion. The reason I didn't swirl them more for a tie-dyed effect is mainly just that I'd never done a tie-dyed cake before, and I worried about the colors getting muddy. I wanted them to stay super neon!

     And now for the outside! It looks like...this! 

     Bear in mind that it also had whiskers that were formed from uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in chocolate, but I didn't want to install them ahead of time for fear that the moisture of the cake would turn the noodles soggy and weird and sad. The ears and nose/mouth region were made from a third batch of cake that I cooked into a sheet to cut from and layer. The eyes are chocolate discs, the eyebrows, melted chocolate piped onto waxed paper and set, and the nose, tongue, ears, and bow are all pink buttercream. The buttercream fur was definitely the hardest part, but only because of how much time it took; in terms of actual skill it was still not difficult. And I can attest to the tastiness of the whole shebang thanks to having leftovers from the sheet cake the ears and mouth were made from. Mmm, mm. 

     Not a bad way to spend a Sunday! 

Gift wrapping and gift snacking!

     Christmas is creeping up like a sasquatch in the night, so I finally got around to wrapping up some presents! 

     I put it off for way too long every year,  but I actually love wrapping presents. Not so much the whole bit with wrangling the paper and trying to keep all the pets from stepping on it and putting holes in it before you ever get a chance to slap on the first piece of tape, but the tying up with ribbons and bows. It's satisfying to turn a bunch of cardboard boxes into pretty little parcels for everyone to appreciate for approximately two seconds before they tear into it with the might and ferocity of a hungry raptor. 

     In other festive news, I whipped up a beauty of a cake the other night for my dad to take to work to celebrate the holidays! Check it out:

     It's a simple two-layer 9x13 white cake (I always recommend good old-fashioned white cake whenever you're feeding a group, because nobody doesn't like white cake. And if they do, keep an eye on them, they're weird), frosted with whipped buttercream (mmmm, buttercream) and decorated with ice-like sugar sprinkles and a big red fondant bow.  And it turned out pretty nicely, if I do say so myself!  

Birthday Roundup!

     As you know from my placeholder post beautiful masterpiece of art, Monday was my birthday! Let's do a roundup of all my super fun gifts and my beautiful monster of a cake! In no particular order...wait, no, I'll go in order of presents I opened. Order out of chaos! 

     First I opened my present from my grandparents.
 

     BAM. Red boots!  Anyone who knows me knows I loooove boots. I like to stomp around and pretend I'm about to fight through an apocalypse or something. I've wanted a pair of red boots for ages and ages. Like, since the first time I saw Footloose, even though the chick with the red boots is SO OBNOXIOUS OH MY GOD. But still, cute boots are cute boots. They also make me think of Marceline the Vampire Queen (Adventure Time, anyone? No, I'm the only "grown-up" who still watches cartoons? Ok, cool, whatever).

     Next up was my present from Amanda.

     A So So Happy hoodie! I love the So So Happy characters. Even the cantankerous ones are so cute. This guy is named Puff (from the website, I didn't just pick that randomly). And check. out. the back. 

     Spikes on the hood and down the back! So I can be a dinosaur! Life goal: achieved. When the small children in your life say to you "I'm gonna be a dinosaur when I grow up!" go ahead and tell them "I'll bet you are, slugger. I'll just bet you are." 

     Next is my present from Jen. In the box I found this crazy-soft terry pullover type sweater (all I wear these days is fall clothes, I don't even care that it's 95 outside. With AC on my side I can pretend it's autumn forever!)

 

     And underneath that, the cutest jimjams I have ever laid eyes upon. 

     Obviously that isn't the best picture in the world to show off the pajamas, but I'm using it anyway because it tickles me. Except the gross veins in my hands. As soon as I saw this picture full sized I actually stopped what I was doing, said "Whoa there homes, time to hydrate," and went to get some water. But still, polka dots and kitty feet!

     The last thing I opened was my present from my parents. I opened the big-ass box and found this jewelry box!

     But that wasn't all. This was the gift that just kept on giving. It was full of little bits and bobs from my Forever 21 wishlist and things I had pinned on Pinterest or otherwise hinted that I liked, (before you go thinking that makes me a brat, it was because she had been asking me to send her links to potential presents, I wasn't just like "BUY ME DIS AND DIS") like the two headbands up top there...

 

     ...and this little apple-scented fragrance tucked in the side door. Apple is probably my #1 all-time favorite smell in the world, in case you were feeling like you needed some obscure Jacki-trivia today. The jewelry box also contained...

     ...the earrings in the bottom middle there, which match the necklace I got for my birthday last year (which, hey look! You can see in this next picture)...

....and this triangular necklace that kind of looks like gilded shark teeth (mermaid-warrior-princess-chic, it's a thing I'm gonna make happen)...

     ...This little moon-and-star necklace, which is tiny and delicate and perfect in every way...

     ...and the even tinier set of studs that matches it. I can't even tell you how perfect these are. They're so small and cute! And, of course, they're a crescent moon and a star, which you're probably noticing I have an obsession with. Last but certainly not least, I'll show you my very favoritest compartment in this jewelry box...the ring section. 

Bonus appearance by my new jimjams in the mirror. Professionalism!

     Sigh. Look at all the glorious options. Rings are my absolute favorite. The four rings in the middle column were part of my gift (more moons and stars! Shock, horror!), the rest are all the rings I immediately sat down to fill the case with so I could look at them all and go "my precioussesssss!" I'm not even kidding, several times since I opened this present I've gone into my closet to put together different combinations of stacking rings, then take them off and put them back in their little places. I'm weird. But it makes me happy.

     Now that I've shown you all the amazing things my super-generous family got for me, let's get down to serious business: CAKE. I couldn't find a recipe that I liked for my birthday cake, so I kind of...um...invented one. No, really. I sat down and drew up a schematic like Dr. Frankenstein to bring my monster cake to life. 

Just in case you thought I was kidding. I never kid about food.

     And like Frankenstein's monster, once it had been brought to life it could not be contained:

     It was so ridiculously good. I could only eat a half slice at a time because, I mean, look at that. It's intimidating. But I like food that challenges me towards a higher standard of gluttony, forcing me to say "If I eat one more bite I may go into a diabetic coma, but I'M GONNA FINISH THIS. I just need a breather. I won't quit on you, cake. Wait for me in the fridge, I'll come back for you. (My Heart Will Go On playing softly in the background, getting louder as the fridge door closes)."

     Point being, that cake was damn good. It's definitely going to be my new birthday tradition. 

     And that brings us to the end of my birthday roundup! I hope you enjoyed having a looky-loo at all the fun stuff I got, and didn't feel like I was bragging. I'm just really grateful that I have an awesome family that knows me so well and picks out amazing gifts! 

Best Carrot Cake Ever?

     I ended that with a question mark because I don't consider myself a connoisseur of carrot cake and, having not traveled the world tasting all the carrot cakes that each nation has to offer, I don't feel quite confident enough to say that this is the best carrot cake EVER. But it's really, really good. 

This rabbit looked way less threatening in real life.

     The recipe I used can be found here, and for once I didn't end up making any major modifications to it as I went. The buttermilk glaze on my cake was about 1/4 cup short on sugar (ran out. Oops!) but I don't think it made a lick of difference, and obviously I doubled the recipe for the frosting. "Obviously" because I always, always, always double the amount of frosting suggested. I'd much rather have too much frosting than not enough, and honestly, maybe "too much frosting" is a thing that exists in technical terms, but surely it's like black holes, where we're just taking science's word for it even though none of us have ever seen it ourselves. 

     Inside, it's got coconut and pineapple and nuts for a nice variety of flavors and textures, and grating the carrots yourself, though time-consuming, lets you choose how carrot-y you want your carrot cake. Personally, I only even eat carrot cake because I can lie to myself that it's a serving of vegetables instead of just cake, so I grated the carrots super finely so that they almost disappear into the other flavors. 

Just how I like my cake: moist and crumbly almost to the point of compromising its structural integrity.

     Overall, this recipe gets a definite green light from me. It even got moderate approval from Amanda, who said "I don't like carrot cake, but that is the best carrot cake I've ever had," which, coming from her, is a rave review.

    

Chocolate Cheesecake Cake....cake.

I love any excuse to make a cake! Today's deliciousness is a chocolate cake with a cheesecake layer in the middle and cream cheese frosting. Yummmm. I found the recipe here. And the cooking process was documented....on video! Whaaat welcome to the 90s you guys! I mean. Um. 

Anyway, here's my first cooking video!

Here are the accompanying stills of the finished product, in case you just wanted to look at a cake for a while (I wouldn't blame you. I love looking at cakes).