FAVORITE #1: MY PLANT IS GROWING!
Real talk, I was like 97% sure all I was going to get out of this was a delicately dressed jar of dirt, so this was a big surprise. Especially because it popped up preeetty much overnight. I was watering my other (already well-established -- I think it's from a cutting of one that's older than me, but I'd have to ask my mom to confirm that, and she's asleep, and it's my blog so...we're just gonna pretend that's right) plant a few days ago when I glanced over and OH HEY, A PLANT. It felt right at the time because it was all nice and springy and we had the windows open, but now that it's 27 degrees again it feels a little out of place. Whatever, it'll make sense again in a day or two, and I'm pleased with the little bit of spring hope it brings to my desk.
FAVORITE #2: I HAVE THE SEXIEST MOST INTRIGUING ARMPITS!
So I was standing at the deodorant section, staring at all the possibilities and getting so overwhelmed that I was starting to think about just not buying anything and running off to live in the forests like the smelly ape that I truly must be, and eventually I started wantonly grabbing things and smelling them. None of them really spoke to me, but this one smelled decent enough (read: not entirely like straight-up baby powder. I mean whatever, baby powder is an ok smell, but I don't want to smell like a baby, damn it, because that's a weird thing for a childless person to smell like. What am I supposed to be hiding a baby in my armpit?). But then I looked at the label and knew I HAD to buy it. Because SEXY INTRIGUE. That is the actual name of the actual scent of this actual product that you can actually buy. A stick of chemical compounds designed to hide your sweaty smelly armpits to keep everyone from noticing your bodily processes. Called SEXY INTRIGUE. I laughed out loud, alone in the aisles of Target. That is exactly what I want, Degree. Really gonna complete the whole "sexy intrigue" look I rock when I'm dragging my sweaty sun-block drenched ass around in the sweltering heat of summer. People will walk past and murmur to their friends "She looks pretty rough right now, but how about those sexy intriguing armpits, amiright?" That is exactly what will happen. BRILLIANT MARKETING, GUYS. (I may make fun of it, but in the end who's the sucker who bought it anyway?)
FAVORITE #3: WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING IN THIS PICTURE!
I snapped this picture because I was sitting on my bed reading about pottery-firing methods of ancient Japan on Wikipedia because I have no idea how to have fun like a normal person and when I looked up for a second it took an abnormally long time for my brain to figure out what I was looking it. It looks like somebody snuck in and pasted a mural of a nice dusky horizon on my window, then when I opened it I revealed the black abyss of a cold indifferent universe lurking behind. In reality it's just a weird illusion of there being a hilly pasture over there that pulls the horizon right up to where my window ends. I mean, the picture is just an illusion. The cold indifferent universe is real. Sweet dreams, kiddos!
FAVORITE #4: I'M REALLY JUST ADDING ONE MORE IN CASE YOU FOUND THAT ENDING TOO SOBERING AND NEED SOME CHEERING NOW!
This was Bess's face the entire time my mum was vacuuming the other day. The other cats all ran away but Bess is too lazy, so she just sat there and stared at me like "Getting real tired of your bullshit. Trying to get a solid twelve hours of sleep here." And yes, I am that person who talks for their cat and laughs hysterically while taking twenty pictures in a row of them. It is what it is.
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