Monday, December 9, 2013

The Supposedly True Meaning of my Epic Dream Saga

     I know no one actually likes to listen to people describe their rambling seven-part dreams that defy all rules of logic and the laws of the natural world, but I really did have a whopper of a dream the other night. So I thought I'd look up some of the key elements and see what the good ol' internet has to tell me about their symbolism, so we can have a good chuckle over how messed up it is inside my brainball. Let's see what my subconscious has to say!

Princesses: To see a princess in your dream represents the object of your affections or desires. (All definitions from

What? That is a semantically meaningless sentence. So I guess no help here. For the record, I'm pretty sure the real "meaning" here is that Jen had "Sofia the First" on for the babies the day before I had the dream, so I had princesses on the brain. They were even like, little child princesses in my dream. I had to help them out on quests to defeat Maleficent. In related news, there's no entry for "evil queen" in any of the dream dictionaries I tried, but TWO of them had entires for "Queen of Hearts" and one had a dream meaning for "Princess Diana?" That's oddly specific, I feel. Surely more people dream of any number of archetypal evil queens than that they're having a chat with Lady Di. 

Portals: Would you believe none of the dictionaries had anything for "portal?" I can't be the only one having vaguely sci-fi themed dreams. They did have one for "black hole" though, which is almost-not-really-but-go-with-it similar:

     To see a black hole in your dream indicates that there is no turning back on a decision that you have made. Alternatively, the hole symbolizes the subconscious and the unknown.
     Hmm. Interesting. I haven't made any decisions larger than whether to have cereal or ice cream for dessert, and I'm not feeling like I need to turn back on that one (ice cream was definitely the right choice). As for symbolizing the subconscious and the unknown...well, in my dream, the portal was in a washing machine. So I guess my subconscious is a washing machine. Or I don't know how washing machines work. I dunno, the unknoooown, man. Nonetheless, I shall endeavor in the future to better listen to my subconscious washing machine. 

Wrapping presents: To dream that you are wrapping something indicates that you are trying to hide the truth; you are involved in a cover-up. Alternatively, the dream suggests that you are trying to present the ugly truth in a way that is easier to accept. Consider what you are wrapping and the color or pattern of the wrapping paper. The dream may be a pun on "rapping" and your need to speak up about something.
     I can't even begin to take this seriously because THE DREAM MAY BE A PUN. I can't. Like I know as far as puns go I'm a pretty big enthusiast, but there's just no damn way my subconscious washing machine is capable of making visual-to-vocal-to-representative PUNS. That's a stretch even for my awake brain, much less my sleeping one. One time I watched Madagascar before going to bed, and my dreams that night were, essentially, the plot of the movie Madagascar. My subconscious is an idiot. You are giving it way too much credit. You've lost me here.

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