Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Things I Should Stop Doing, But Probably Won't, Part 1

I dunno if there's actually going to be a Part 2. I just like to make my titles as long as humanly possible. Also, disclaimer: this post makes me seem like a complete and utter nutball. But I'm posting it anyway because this is the internet, and nobody lies on the internet. Right?

  1. Not sleeping. Yeah, I just double negatived that. I need to stop not sleeping. More specifically, I need to stop not sleeping at night and start not sleeping during the day. Got it? Still with me? Great. Moving along.

  2. Consuming massive, ungodly amounts of caffeine, despite being one of the "caffeine sensitive individuals" that energy drink commercials warn not to consume their product because it will stop your heart or whatever. Side note: this could be related to #1. And #3. Maybe. Possibly.

  3. Running around my apartment (literally, running, which you can only understand the full implications of if you know exactly how small my apartment is. Hint: very small) at inappropriate hours and doing obnoxious things like this:

  4. Talking to the tv. Also, talking to the computer, myself, and random inanimate objects.

  5. Narrating my life in song. Although I did write a sure-to-be-#1-hit earlier today about how I made a mess on the counter because I'm a special snowflake. Pro-tip: Britney Spears' "I Wanna Go" is the perfect tune for singing about your life; everything fits. Example: Whoa-oh-oh why-y-y am I ta-a-aking a cla-a-ass that begins at ten am, I-I-I wanna go-o-o back to be-e-ed but I can't because I'd faaaaaaaail.....out of class.

  6. Snorting when I laugh. I'm told it kills your brain cells. If this were true, I would be brain-dead, so I assume it's not. It is annoying though, and that probably kills other people's brain cells when they're twitching with rage at me.

  7. Almost dying in really, really stupid ways. I'm basically like Liz Lemon when she's afraid she'll choke on something and die alone in her apartment, except I'm concerned I'll slip on the clothes I refuse to pick up out of my bathroom floor and hit my head on the toilet.
  8. Biting my nails. I don't do it all the time, just when I'm feeling particularly mentally unstable, which is most of the time. But not all of it. Yay, being me is fun and awesome!

  9. Wearing socks that match "by theme." Not only does this get weird when they're two completely different colors and one is ankle height, one full sock height, but the themes are getting more and more vague. Like, I'm not sure if "Things that are shorter than me and might be found in Ireland" really justifies wearing one sock with pigs on it and one with leprechauns.

  10. Writing lists that don't have a nice even number of things on them (10 is a good number). Ahhh see what I did there? 

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