LASERBEAMS.

     By the time you read this I'll probably already be at home napping while my eyeballs gently emit smoke and a faint sizzling sound, which, based on my knowledge of science (cartoons. All of it from cartoons) is what will happen after my LASIK procedure, since that's what happens in cartoons when someone stares at the sun too long, and it's totally the same thing, right?

     Or, as my mom phrased it, I'll be "among the sighted," which makes it sound like I'm going to get psychic powers. I doubt that'll happen, but when you're messing around with lasers who knows. The whole scenario does have a whiff of superhero origin story about it. "A standard procedure gone wrong left her with a terrible burden...and a gift that would stop crime in its tracks...before it makes them." Damn, now I'm kind of hoping for that to happen.

     Or maybe, due to a freak accident caused by...ah...by the uh... hurrmafrumma sunspots obblegobble radiation and...ahem...and stuff, my DNA will react to the lasers in an unusual way, absorbing the beams and turning them outward so I have LASER VISION. Watch out Cyclops, there's a new set of laser-eyes in town, and they're gonna have way better sunglasses than you.

     Or, in the most likely of scenarios, I'll just be able to see. Which is still a pretty good outcome, so I think I'll take it. I'll let you know how it all went down!