Today's Quick Fix is inspired by these two obsessions, as well as being sort of inspired by this video, in which Youtuber (a word which I felt stupid typing, then decided I liked enough to leave in the post once I started imagining a potato that makes youtube videos for a living, because tuber, get it?) MissGlamorazzi, aka Ingrid, made a few collar necklaces of her own. (You can watch that video right here.)
I say "sort of" because I watched this video weeks ago, thought, "I'll never make that" then decided a few days ago that these collars might be what's missing in my life and ended up making them after all. But of course, mine aren't nearly as classy and restrained as Ingrid's, because she has good taste and shiny hair, and I have no sense of refinement and a big-ass jar of rhinestones. Because of the aforementioned large quantity (in this case, "big-ass" is a quantity equal to one pound. A WHOLE POUND OF RHINESTONES, CAN YOU IMAGINE? No seriously, please take a moment to imagine it, because sticking your hand into a pound of rhinestones and letting them fall through your fingers like you're Scrooge McDuck is one of life's great pleasures) of rhinestones I had in my possession, I thought I'd make two. A white collar and a black collar, for use with the wide variety of colors in my wardrobe, namely: black and white. Here's how the black one ended up, shown over a black sweater so you can get an idea of what it looks like in action, sitting around pretending to be a real collar when really it's a cheap imitation.
And here they both are together.
Now, if you're looking at that picture and wondering how they're supposed to stay on....well, then let me tell you, sweet gentle reader. They're supposed to have a strip of ribbon attached to each end that ties in the back like a necklace. You will notice, darling angelfaces, that mine do not have any ribbon. Would you like to know why not, my lovely sugarplums? Then sit back, my fuzzy little lambs, and I will tell you why not.
Once upon a time, a beautiful, if slightly neurotic princess picked out the prettiest sheer black ribbon for the black collar she was making, and simple white ribbon for the white collar. She sat the spools of ribbon on the kitchen table while she glued rhinestone after rhinestone onto the collars (full disclosure: Amanda glued the white one while the princess made cookies because she was tired of inhaling glue fumes), and when the last crystal was in place, she left them overnight to dry. But when she returned in the morning, her spool of black ribbon was missing! Where could it have gone? Did some feisty sewing mice steal it to gussy up her Christmas present? Did a friendly neighborhood bird swoop in through the window and pick it up to use in her nest? Did a dark sorcerer steal it in order to lure the princess into his foul clutches?
NO, none of those things happened because fairytales aren't real and the ribbon couldn't have been used for any of those purposes because it was INSIDE THE CAT. Yup, our stupid, stupid cat (that's not even me being biased or unkind, it's just factually TRUE. The sky is blue and the cat is stupid) COMPLETELY CONSUMED six yards of ribbon, straight off the spool like a ribbon junkie. The only evidence that remained was about six inches of black ribbon found in the floor and the two days of ribbon-filled cat puke that followed.
 |
| Look deep into the eyes of a creature so stupid it will eat something that ISN'T EVEN FOOD literally until he is sick. |
Don't worry, he's fine. I mean, he's still stupid, but we're pretty sure all the ribbon's out, and he's not sick or anything. Apparently feline pica (the urge to eat strange, nonfood items) is pretty common, and oriental cats in particular are predisposed to it. The more you know...
So anyway, the pretty black ribbon's gone. I could finish the white one, as that ribbon is still untouched (our cat's a ribbon-racist, he targets black ribbons), but the black one was the one I was more excited about, since I know I'll use it more on account of the ridiculous amount of black clothing I own, and I kind of lost steam after the whole incident. But I figured I'd post about it anyway because they're basically done and I wanted to tell you that story.
THE END.
OR IS IT?
Edited to add: The lost ribbon has been replaced, and the collars now have ribbon! So they can actually be worn! Yay! They're attached with a little bit of hand-sewing (that my Mom thoughtfully did for me, because hand-sewing? I ain't about that life).
THE ACTUAL FOR REALS END.
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